2002
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2002 |
current mood: somber, sullen
current music: run dmc- its like that
tonight was very cozy in my house after my landlord came up and opened all the valves on my radiators. in appreciation and celebration i cleaned up a bit and shot some pics. click on my feet to follow me. yes, they're black- it's halloween.
happy halloween. i want to eat your candy, boo!
silence can sometimes be sorta golden.. sometimes can be the source of stress. i've been sick for the past 4 days, the reason that i haven't been able to post anything in here. i haven't been able to keep track of myself or simple tasks when i'm feeling this awful.. aches all over, sore throat, headaches, nausea. wonder whats going on with me. i'm like a metaphor with those lillies mentioned below.. they've finally opened, and they're beautiful.. but they're fucking freezing. i've been wearing a hooded sweatshirt to bed to give you an idea of whats going on in my house. i have to have a discussion with my landlord as to why the heat only comes on for about 5 minutes a day, and the radiator pipes don't even heat up at all. they're as cold as my nose right now. i just peeked outside, its gloomy and depressing- perfect for a mischief night. got any toilet paper? my neighbors would kick my ass, so thats not even an option, besides that i'm not feeling very mischievous - i'm feeling like i should be in bed.. but as usual, i don't know how to take it easy. yesterday i worked till i couldn't possibly touch the keyboard any longer and then retreated to the couch, only to feel like i was wasting my life. i wonder how people do it- work 9am to 5pm and walk away. i guess they have people helping them. my stack of creative work this week has dwindled quickly- obviously noone wants to work on halloween, so hopefully it will remain quiet. i need to get well- i can't stand feeling weak and unable to accomplish stupid little tasks. i have all my bills laid out in a nice pile behind me and i'm going to tackle those shortly. i've been putting that off. my tea kettle is squealing brb.
that's the only thing thats been squealing around here in a while *sip* .. if you catch my drift. kinda feeling down lately- like things are really stagnant and unmoving, but perhaps its because i've been able to keep up with everything and able to go to bed at a decent hour. i've been in bed every night this week early (before 2am i mean) and i've been having these reoccuring dreams about water and hotels.. varying kinds of water and varying kinds of hotels- last night i was taking a shower on a boat going down a river in the jungle. weird thing is i had to bend over to take a shower, and there was nice plush rug all over the floor. it didn't make any sense.. then i switched to the public high school anxiety dream (i didn't go to public high school though) and in my dream i was commenting on how this is just like my stupid dreams. funny. anyway, enough talk about that- just alot of water imagery and alot of hotels.. but mostly hot tubs, pools and waterfalls and running through the hallways of various nice places. meaning? dunno.
i'm freezing. somebody come give me a hug. i feel like i'm going to break in half. the bath tub has been a good companion over these past few days, but i'm feeling too tired right now to do a thing.. in fact, this whole train of thought normally would have taken me about 5 minutes.. its been 10. see? maybe i'm just down because i'm not feeling well, and i'm getting the melatonin levels up and developing the winter blues. i'm not down with it getting dark at 3:30 or whatever time it is now. when i went to iceland 2 years ago to dj on the millenium we were there for about a week and saw the sun sit on the horizon line for about half an hour - just a band of light, and then sink back down. talk about depressing. no wonder they have such good beer.
on a lighter note my toenails are black for halloween. the pedicurist thought that was funny for whatever reason. still don't know what i will be going out as (if i go out at all).. my twin brother, jason might go as the two little boys from the royal tenenbaums. i don't need a wig since my hair is so fucked up, but if i feel a little better later i might go get some track suits and zombie makeup. its cmj this week, so everyone's rushing around seeing shows and going to parties. i have one show on friday night and saturday night we're throwing a party. so there you go. saturday morning, killit is moving out of our practice space on north 8 and berry and moving into the north 6 complex where its indie rocker paradise. the only place in brooklyn that reminds me of every single squat house i've ever played in europe.. its going to be a cold cold winter.. grab someone and hold onto them until the ice melts. it was freezing rain/snow here last night. i couldn't fucking believe it. then i did and got into bed. i need to get some slippers.
current mood: cold, achey, whiney
current music: supergrass- in it for the money
i bought some lillies on the street the other day on a whim as i was walking home from the bank. i was in the mood for some, i haven't indulged in a while, and noone's bringing me flowers any time soon... lillies are my favorite next to the simplicity of the daisy... i bought two stems that have yet to open, the buds are beautiful and huge and i am literally anticipating them opening.. its been 2 days and it looks like they're just aching to stretch. we're all waiting.. a lesson in patience. i have to buy flowers more often.
current mood: cozy
current music: the darling buds- crawdaddy
i'm a bmxer and i don't take no crap
but i have a sensitive side
and i definitely don't want the "gang" to see it
so i have to act all cool in front of them but i'm like,
all torn in half,
like 2 quarter pipes over a wicked table top
and i have to finally stand up on my pegs
and admit that i have feelings for you
.. but .. biker j, its too late ..
oh what a day oh what a night.. i spent the day with my best friend nick in a doctor's office making sure he was well. all was taken care of and we jumped back from the end of brooklyn (100th and 4th avenue) to my crib (12th and 4th) around 5pm.. before that i was working, yawning, smoking and drinking vitamin water.. but mostly working. got back around sunset.. this weekend we have to set our clocks to fall back, so its going to be dark around 4pm and totally depressing.. anyway, i spent the rest of the afternoon into early evening working on a knock-off of the miami vice theme for a 12" sticker i'm working on for a single of the record we are releasing on our drum n bass label, soundgizmo of this incredible electro 80's/drum n bass artist, john b and you can view that sticker by clicking here .. ok that was too many links for one line. but whatever.. its 4:20am and i just got back from seeing john b perform at this drum n bass party, mission, thrown by these old schoolers from camouflage. lots of old cats were out tonight, and i was one of them.. noone's seen me at a party in years, but considering we're releasing this guys record, i figured i'd check it out. it was really really fun, despite my apprehension of leaving the house at 1am to catch his 1:30-3:00am set. after i spent the early evening working, i got into cooking an entirely too hot thai coconut red curry that had all these great vegetables featured (and fresh garlic and peter pan peanut butter- you gotta taste this shit) and it burned the inside of my stomach.. it was so so so so hot i could barely deal with it. but so delicious.. i put too much red curry paste in it and i'm still kinda above average on the kelvin. burning from the inside out.. like all my love letters over candles. ok, enough dramatic flashbacks. the reality is i cooked a really hot curry, got really stoned, watched trigger happy tv (which is the funniest fucking thing in the world btw) and then jumped in a car around 1am to head for the city. oh, incidently i've had a second incident with a very angry neighbor that doesn't know how to channel his rage and general discontent with the awful truth that he must wake up at 4am and go clean up shit on the sidewalk or whatever his god awful city job must be. earlier this summer i was doing what i love to do- get baked and barrel down the hills around park slope on my skateboard.. well, this one night i was really cookin' and came down 12th street and busted a power slide that was like 6-8 feet no shit and spun 180º and totally was like "right on" when this asshole buzz killed me and started yelling about waking him up. i was like "are you fucking kidding me? this is a free country, and it's 10:30pm. jeez." and learned that it was best to keep my mouth shut as the words started flying from the window like beer bottles thrown at my head. i just stared up at this man, in be(a)musement and wondered why people spread bad vibes .. really. i think it was a friday night even. i was surprised for days afterwards that the belligerent ogre wasn't standing out in front of my house with some goombah garlic breathed killers waiting to stick my skateboard up my ass. so i forgot all about it- until tonight, i was skipping down the stairs, a mixture of thai curry and 4 shots of tequila in my belly so i was already a little frightened of events to come.. and whether or not i was even going to make it to chelsea to the dance party. so i step out onto the sidewalk and immediately hear the same voice- the same fucker yelling. who was he yelling at? i put my head down cause i thought he was on the sidewalk fighting with the trash guy or something and then i realized after he was like "you.. yeah you motherfucker!" (i KNOW i'm a motherfucker, see, so i knew he was talking to me) he let it fly about how i better come immediately when the car honks or he's going to call the police on me. when i come out tomorrow (i'm to expect) the cops will be waiting for me.. for the fact that i took an extra 10 seconds to zip my fly after the car horn honked this asshole thinks he can call the popo on me. i just grinned and ignored him (all bullies hate that shit) and muttered something clever as shit to myself and poured myself and my smile into the car. off i went, wondering whether or not (and still wondering) if this guy is going to be able to recognize my curly locks and kick my ass sometime. apparently our schedules over-lap, so its more than likely i won't be seeing him. up all night, sleep all day (slaughter!) and thats not even my schedule right now. i'm like, no sleep i'm in brooklyn. so, i listened to sade all the way to the city, zoned out of my head and feeling like the moon was on my back pushing me towards manhattan. . the city looked beautiful as it came into scope and the bridge cables swished past me.. i rolled down the window and took in the air 30 stories above the east river. it smelled like manhattan, which is definitely different from brooklyn.. so i put my head down and sunk into the cd more. i peeked my eyes open quickly enough to explain to my driver that i was indeed going to 30th and 8th and not 38th and whatever arbitrary avenue we happened to be on (i think it was 3rd at the time) so we spent a good deal of time rocking it back west side and downtown a little to make it to the club. walked in and saw a buncha old school jungle kids (back then it was jungle) and met john b and hung out with lots of old school cats that still go out and shit. it was a trip. i definitely had the best hair in there- as it was rocking the liam gallagher after a spa session kinda thing today- really whispy. and i had a wool turtle neck on and some tan cords and was feeling like the jungle dancing was coming on at any moment. i had like 3 more beers with various cats, caught up on a million new stories (heard about someone developing a couple unrelated websites, and since i'm the art guy they want my opinions and shit on design ideas..) always willing to help, i had some drinks and listened to john b, who played 12's, cds and pulled it off incredibly well. it was way fucking loud in there and by the time it was 3:15 i was def deaf and had to split while my tinitus wasn't acting up. i said my good-byes and jumped in the first cab i saw.. thank god he was willing to take me to brooklyn .. some cabbies are fuckers at 3:15am and are like "hell no" despite the fact that its the law to take you wherever you want.. i wanted my bed, but got a hot shower and my g4 first.. so i've been pouring over the day.. took some photos, i'll put them right here below so you can see a few shots of how i rock it solo. this definitely is a friday? good.. i thought somehow it wasn't.
current mood: freaky fucking friday
current music: something corporate- i woke up in a car
goodnight.
i was just sitting on the couch, muttering to myself, "who's up watching sesame street on pbs at this hour??" and then the next thought.. "oh yeah.. me."
current mood: smarter than tomorrow
current music: lisa lisa and cult jam- head to toe
oh, and every single instance i hear that word, "time" it makes me sick to my stomache..
its pretty bad when the sleepytime tea box is giving me advice, and i don't know how i feel about taking advice from a tea company that is apparently doing well. they don't remember the hours and hours of work it takes to get your operation off the ground and running to a fairly good speed where it carry itself - i'm sure whoever wrote this shit on the back of the box wasn't the same guy that shredded the tea by hand and carried it on his back so many miles a day to every regional grocery store until one day the could afford to get a tea shredder and a nice little tea bag maker and a guy to opearate the whole thing.. and some trucks.. or whatever/however the next step in a tea company's evolution is. anyway, regardless it reads "usually, when the distractions of daily life deplete our energy, the first thing we eliminate is the thing we need the most: quiet, reflective time. time to dream, time to think, time to contemplate what's working and what's not so that we can make changes for the better.. learn how to pause".. god i want to fucking rip this box up. this asshole is commanding me to learn how to pause? why press pause ... my life's in stereo! anyway, theres time enough for sleeping when you're not awake. i have had two nights in a row till 5-5:30 am.. need more of that sleep shit sometime soon.. as nightmares abound as well.. anxiety dreams about work and then i wake up, roll over and go right back into the same shit. and this reoccuring bad-ass character is someone to be reckoned with. apparently he's amish (i didn't know this about my antagonizer previously until a dream of a couple nights ago when this characterization came more into focus through exposition).. anyway, i'm throroughly nuts, or just completely and utterly exhausted.. i've paused, but for a split second, to rant here .. this must be the time out for venting the box talked about. now i wonder what my honey comb is going to tell me.. pause indeed. anyway, it sounds good at fast forward. the tape hasn't broken.. but really you can't press pause solo. you need a hand to hold... sigh. once again its 2am and i have no idea how i make it without feeling depleated of all my resources; physically and emotionally. i'll take advice from anyone but sleepytime.. got any?
now wheres my tea.
current mood: i'll kiss the shit out of you
current music: sade- lovers rock
"...and it kills me thinking that you're making yourself beautiful for someone else" - farside 'dark'
oh yeah, happy anniversary to my parents, 35 years of wedded bliss (hehe) i love you!
this is the most ignorant thing i've seen in years.. i had to share it with you.
i had to pull over when i saw it, the cadillac almost made squeeling sounds as i pulled into the parking lot to shoot the sign. the locals must've thought it weird that i was taking a photo of their favorite pancake house.. couldn't believe that this shit was up in this day and age.. "but he's so cute!" anyway- i like pancakes, but can do without the "sales pitch" on this one- lying around being lazy eating flapjacks all fucking day. and playing golf. thats the shit. anyway, i just got in from band practice and have a song stuck in my head. i've been feeling like shit all day long- woke up with a sore throat and the inability to see straight or hear anything for the first 5 hours of daylight. eventually the motrin/allegra/robitussin/breathe easy tea cocktail kicked in and i was up for anything for a little while.. had alot to do today, and not a lot of time to type in this, so i have been wishing for a dictation machine lately.. some simple talk kinda shit would be ideal.. but it doesn't understand "motherfucker" and the amount of other awful words that slip through my lips on a daily basis. did i mention i just walked in from band practice? yeah, we haven't played in like 2 weeks and were totally in need of getting it together in a big way.. and at the end of our 3 hours we were all feeling a hell of a lot better about everything. we're still working on new material, but its getting harder as we need to rehearse more conistently.. they blame it on me saying i travel too much, but the last trip i took was in august, and the next one's not till the end of november, so we should have plenty of time to get ready for.. our first show! yeah.. we booked it today- december 20th (friday) so mark your calendars- mercury lounge.. we're confirming the date, but thats the one to be confirmed as of now. so we're practicing with that intent instead of writing more music for an album that we probably won't get to recording until late spring or early summer as it is. anyway, i'm going to go eat some tofu scrambler and smoke some hash and then get back to this later tonight.. i can't seem to focus on the keyboard.. oh yeah, os x jaguar and my new g4 650 dual processor machine totally fucking rocks- i burned 2 discs in like 5 minutes right off my desktop. talk about convenience.. and i saw this new little gadget that allows you to get a 56k connection to your pop mail, aim and internet explorer right from your little computer thingy.. its for the new voicestream service T mobile.. its cool as fuck and my friend has one, and now of course i need one. i really need to be able to check my email all over the place- i get separation anxiety from my work.. now i'll go sit and watch all the commercials for the new christmas toys.. i'm getting some good shit this year.
current mood: sassy
current music: the descendents- bikeage
running out of time again.. where did you go wrong this time?
i'm burning up and i can't breathe from anything.. my ears, nose, and lungs are all clogged up and i can barely hear and i'm due back in bed momentarily. this is what i've been fighting for a few weeks and its awful. goodness.. i would type more but my screen is swimming around. i need some tea and a nice bath.. so much for trying to get a million things done today. waking up to this isn't what i expected and i have like 4 hours of work to finish before i can lie back down.. i'm hurting to say the least.. slept like shit all weekend, and i'll tell you about my trip to south carolina later, when i have my head back.. but needless to say despite all the amenities of planes, trains and automobiles it still took me till 3:00am to get home from myrtle beach on friday night. flew out at 7:45, sat in charlotte for an hour, flew out of there at 10, got to philly at 11:30, caught a speed line train to 30th street station, sat there till 12:40 and caught the last acela train to nyc.. got in at 2:15 and cabbed it home from there.. because i wanted to be in my own bed. and now this exhaustion has caught up with me. and i can tell you one thing- the next time i travel i'm bringing nothing.. absolutely jack shit. i carried a 200 pound bag of computer equipment and underwear all over the east coast for no good reason at all. "i never know what i want to wear" is no longer an excuse. i'm picking 2 pairs of pants, bringing plenty of socks and boxers and sticking to the plan. either way, i feel a bit delerious right now and should probably go lie down. send me candy. thanks
current mood: i love being back
current music: tosca- suzuki in dub
oh.. yeah. to see the commercial my band, killit was in for intel click here and click on the 60 second one second one down.. k? k.. there's other 30 second versions airing, but hey, you get the idea.. xojoelthomas
its sunset here.. and still 75º and sunny. spent the day reading my book and talking on the phone at the beach. a great, different kind of thursday afternoon, and a welcome one. i took so many cool pictures of fucked up shit down here.. including the racist restaurant "tar baby's homestyle pancakes and family restaurant" with a totally dark faced man sitting around picking his teeth.. its ridiculous .. i took some shots. anyway, the beach was great and i smell like salt water.. which was warm and i stood in it for a while as i talked on the phone with various business people, distribution/sales people and my attorney. i'm a busy bee and i realized today that my ability to deal with stress is non-existent and i need to trim the fat so to speak.. decide whats important to me and stick with it. i'm going to basically art direct from here on out, hire some people to work with me and just manage the team. i can't stay awake till 5am every night anymore. i want to go out and meet some nice people before it gets any colder and i get any older. this month just flew by.. september too. whats going on here? anyway, the sunset is gorgeous and i wish that you could see it.. but maybe its nice where you are. going out to check out the various tourist traps tonight (haunted houses and shit) and should be fun. hopefully i won't be all frazzled tomorrow as i try to get it together for my early evening flight and complete all the tasks i have set out to do. wish me well and i'll secretly love you.
current mood: yeah!
current music: 38 special- caught up in you (heard it on the radio)
i never knew there'd come a day
when i'd be sayin' to you
"don't let this good love slip away
now that we know that it's true."
don't, don't you know the kind of man i am
no, said i'd never fall in love again
but it's real and the feeling comes shining through.
silly boy .. in over his head again
silly boy .. doing his best again
so i just got in from taking a walk around part of the golf course that this condominium complex is built on.. the moon is half full and the grass is sopping wet.. the mist was amazing, and i find it really peculiar to be looking at palm trees and seeing my breath in the moonlight.. breathing in and out.. i'm stoned as shit now and i took a leak in a sandtrap.. all was in the plans for this evening.. i had nothing to do for 2 hours considering i am on a dialup right now and it took 2 hours to send a 14 meg file to nyc to print tomorrow.. normally it would be like 5 minutes or less.. this is ridiculous.. i feel like i'm on a vic-20 with a tape drive and a 300 baud modem that you put the phone piece down on. anyway, i'm rambling, i've been hiding online all day so people wouldn't screw up my connection by trying to (ohgod) type to me.. thats how shitty dialups are.. you have to tip toe around the computer for fear of upsetting the spirts that live inside the powerbook and decide to drop the connection for no apparent reason. so step lightly. my friend elise showed me some footage of this piece she filmed of a random bit of paper on the side of her friends house... author unknown, reason for paper being there unknown. regardless, its artsy as shit that she filmed it, and it read:
god help us. the very thing that saves us is the very thing that holds us hostage.
word.
xojoeltee
current mood: half moon full of..
current music: dag nasty- silly boy
silly boy .. why don't you ever learn?
silly boy .. you always end up getting hurt
omg south cackalacky sucks so bad. its been rainy and cold and my nose is stuffy and i'm really tired and lonely and sitting around with my parents.. we're chilling in a condo owned by my uncle.. its on a golf course- so far i haven't had the chance to hit any balls and get my aggression out, but tomorrow's another day. i have alot to do, and have set up a fuckin' workstation here with my laptop, printer, cd burner, and hard drive.. i'm such a fucking geek. anyway, i finished for the evening and i'm sipping a beer and listening to this nonsense on the television "the bachelor".. what pathetic fucks- having to go on a television show to be rejected in front of millions of shithead americans. apparently my mother is one of these people that adores this kind of trash. stupid girls fighting over some fucking dork. anyway, i hope you're with me on this. its pathetic reality tv that stresses me out. anyway, i got down here last night at like 7:30pm and went to this awful italian restaurant with the folks.. had a couple crown and gingers and then came home and went right to work .. checked out the digs- i'm going to take a jacuzzi bath later and get stoned and walk on the golf course and piss in the sandtraps and shit like that. the sky finally cleared today for about 10 minutes right before sunset and i took a couple shots. there's this totally ignorant restaurant down here called "tar baby's" and it has a black faced fat ass kid stuffing pancakes into his face. i couldn't help but look twice or more at it and say wtf? to myself.. i'll have to shoot a picture of that- its unbelievable. anyway, myrtle beach is just like orlando/kissimee st. cloud florida.. total tourist trap- huge neon stores all along route 17, i'm amazed people don't rear end each other by the dizzying lights - there's way too much input along the side of the road. i wasn't even driving, just sitting in the back of dad's cadillac and staring out the window at the rain and bright shiny things. anyway, went out briefly today and had a grilled fuckin' cheese sammy at this place that everything was fish or fried something and of course my parents are in hog heaven down here.. they're both from down this way- my dad's from kentucky, and my mom is actually from myrtle beach- and yesterday went and saw the army hospital where she was born in- even though its all boarded up and deserted. tomorrow i'm going to find one of the 18 different miniature golf courses and see if ANY of them are open.. they're serious as shit about their golf down here (big or mini) and i am determined to hit 18 holes of putt putt and puff puff. so anyway, its been kinda dull and cold and rainy here. the flights yesterday sucked shit too.. i have separation anxiety from my work, and the time on the plane was just agonizing- i read some of my book, listened to the new bill hicks cd (which is fucking hilarious- pick it up from rykodisc) .. i landed late in charlotte and literally had about 10 minutes to make my other flight to myrtle beach, and, of course i was sitting ALL the way back in the plane (like the last seat) and had to wait for all the droves of people to shuffle down the aisle slowly as i looked at my watch.. they called my gate "myrtle beach c10, 6pm"... it was 5:50.. i ran out the gate and looked at the monitor- now boarding flight 418, c5 5:55pm.. wtf? i ran like 2000 feet at full speed, chugging along with all my lung capacity and a computer over one shoulder and my man bag/european carry-all over the other.. and jumped on one of those people movers finally and ran down the left side of that past all the fat people and asthmatics like myself that normally chill the shit out on those. so, i jumped off the thing moving like 15 mph already (running+the velocity of the conveyor) and almost broke my ankle.. ran to the gate, and arrived just as they were closing the gate- i had no inkling that my baggage would make it on this connecting flight, but whatever- i made it. so i got on the plane, and of course going from the warm air of the concourse to the cold air of the gangplank (what do they call those things?) into the plane, plus my heart rate and breathing i had a terrible asthma attack.. almost passed out on the plane after taking my inhaler and the guy sitting next to me was crowding the shit out of me. anyway, i was glad when we landed in myrtle beach, with a low ceiling of clouds of like 200 feet or something.. i didn't see the runway until we were like 30 feet above it (which always makes me feel wonderful). enough complaining. i've been negative as shit for the past few days and i gotta get over it. its supposed to be nice here tomorrow. its just freezing outside, and i'm sure my friends in new york are having a shitty time up there. with the weather and all that.. so maybe i'll actually get to the beach tomorrow and take a stroll with my ma.. who knows what'll happen. i'm sure something will turn up and i'll be up all night again.. got down here and realized theres no cable modem- only the fone line, so of course i can't even ftp dick to my server, so no photos for you for a little while.. although i'll go mad with some shots when i get home to my cable modem and my big machines... anyway, just wanted to drop in and say i'm all over this shit, but a vacation isn't happening around me as usual.. it's almost 10pm and i'm wanting to go cruise around and check out the rest of myrtle beach.. but that can wait till tomorrow maybe? will you come? i am anxious to get back to ny, but i won't be back till saturday.. flying back to philly on friday, getting in around midnight, so i'm sure i'll be spending the evening there at some fabulous hotel .. or sleeping on the floor of a friends apartment, which is more likely. anyway, where are you, what are you doing? reach out to me. i'm rambling. i'm going on a walk in the cold, misty weather.. to check out the golf course, of course.
oy heah. they just said on the teevee, "if you know someone who should be the next 'bachelor' call ..." and i said, "yeah.. me!" and my mom said, "you'd have to shave.. get a haircut.." -- so fuck that.. plus, i would eliminate everyone in the first week and they wouldn't have a show. i'd be hiding in the corner.. stupid kids are for stupid people.
current mood: blahahaha
current music: bill hicks- flying saucer tour vol1
AQUARIUS:
>>Tuesday, October 15
Au revoir. Itchy feet and a craving for adventure and growth are typical side effects when Mars enters Libra. The planet of action, aggression and initiation will be stirring the pot for the coming six weeks, during which time you're more likely to want to go jauntering about than be glued to your desk, stove, books, office, etc.
Today's star rating: ***
and here i am waiting for a car to take me to the airport.. further south into myrtle beach south carolina.. where i'll just work in another location! eek.
current mood: tired, i want my bed
current music: the supremes- where did our love go
is it worth it can you even hear me?
yesterday, alone, waiting for a train from the main line to center city to meet an amtrak train with seconds to spare.. and i made it to delaware.. exhausted but in one piece. and now here i am. i'm in hockessin, delaware a tiny community outside of wilmington, in america's first state. the weekend, well- it was long and fun and i'm amazed i don't feel worse than i do now. i think its going to take a few days to get all of the liquor out of me, and that cold i was fighting all last week seems to have finally caught up with me. so i guess i'll just be sick and working while i'm supposed to be on "vacation".. or at least a little wind-down.. but of course, i'm the only person you currently know that carries a g3 laptop, a cd burner and a 40 gig hard drive in his suitcase. i'm in for it. i'm out to get myself. and slowly but surely i'm going to succumb to the season allergies and have to get on the antibiotics. luckily nothing's snuck into my lungs yet, and i'm hoping it doesn't. its 3:10pm and absolutely gorgeous here in hockessin, i spent the weekend with my brother, nick and his fiancee at the lovely adam's mark hotel (like a throwback holiday inn that peaked in 1981) for our friends, lara and chuck's wedding. they're our age and out to get on with their lives in adult kindsa ways so had a super great and super quick (short and sweet) ceremony at the philadelphia horticulture center in fairmount park philadelphia. it was a great production- 3 rooms (i'm describing it like a rave!) canopies of foliage and all kinds of fountains and wild flowers abounding throughout the string light lit greenhouses.. a beautiful ceremony that just basically said that this marriage is a formality to reaffirm the love that they had already acknowledged in each other and that now its 2 people, but one life.. right on. i couldn't have said it better myself, judge or no judge. so i am very very happy for them.. 2 of the nicest people i could ever know. anyway, friday night jason, nick and i spun records at the rehearsal dinner (but mostly rocked the ipod) and got so fucked up it was ridiculous.. i was hating myself on saturday morning (or afternoon rather) as i woke up to the gloominess of a dewy philadelphia afternoon. it felt like i had a cat in my mouth, so i had about an hour to get ready.. i hate feeling rushed.. so i got all dappered up with jason and here's a quick shot of us getting ready to get on the elevator in the hotel.. rude boy rock..
so we had a wonderful time at the wedding, despite the fact that i was hung over as shit from the night before (we ended up going for it till like 5am or something on the 23rd floor penthouse of the hotel) and i don't like heights, so i must've been fucked up.. anyway, sunday morning was no better than saturday (as you can imagine) because we ended up at the hotel bar and back up in the penthouse till 3:30 or 4.. oh a funny story- we fuckin' smoked the shit out of our hotel room and it must've been like 4am or something saturday night and suddenly theres a banging on the hotel door. "who is it?" i asked, and the response was, in an authoritative voice "hotel security, we've had a noise complaint, open the door." and i grinned through the eye hole at these 2 guys with sewn-on badges and said "no" and thats it. they said "well keep it down.. are you smoking in there?" and i said "definitely not- we're trying to sleep please" and they walked away.. fuckers. like i'm going to open the door because they said to. idiots. anyway, that was the closest brush with the man all weekend.. sunday morning i blinked and it was 1pm and our late check out was way too late, so we jumped up and went to breakfast at the head of rykodisc's house and ate blueberry pancakes and had screwdrivers and sat in his porch swing and talked to his cat, stinky fuzzypants.. he says "meow" the most quickly i've ever heard it come from a cat.. who was about the size of a dog. it was really gloomy all weekend, and then jason, nick and karyn dropped me off at the local speed-line to take the r5 into center city to try and catch an acela train headed towards d.c. with a 4 minute connection time. i was hoping i'd make it, but was struggling underneath the weight of my luggage, backpack and computer.. which all are strapped over my shoulders, so today i feel like atlas without ben gay. i've taken a couple long showers here and stayed up late last night trying to get on my normal schedule. slept super late today and got up, went outside to check my messages, enjoy the weather and spliff up.. and now here i am.. oh here's some pictures of mr. evan matthew, my 6 month old nephew and godson. he's the jam.
his pajamas have little bears dressed up as goblins and witches and have pumpkins and stuff all over them.. his room has clouds painted on the ceiling in the shape of different animals.. i'm going to go up there, lie on my back, listen to his mozart (he loves classical music- it makes him pass out- he's already chill as anything, and has the coolest personality) and look at the animals.. theres a giraffe, a kangaroo, even a hippo and armadillo.. i'm going to space out and pretend i'm outside.. i'll shoot some of the ceiling for you. anyway, i'd better get back to whatever it is i was doing.. nothing.. oh yeah.. well i'd better get some work done today or i'll be really really miserable in south carolina. i fly out tomorrow at 3:30 from philadelphia .. get in around 6:45 (connection in charlotte) to myrtle beach. then straight to the ripley's believe it or not museum and one of the 18 different miniature golf courses that abound there. mmm. mini golf.
current mood: achey and worn
current music: the used- the taste of ink
is it worth it can you even hear me
standing with your spotlight on me
not enough to feed the hungry
i'm tired and i felt it for awhile now
in this sea of lonely
the taste of ink is getting old
it's four o' clock in the fucking morning
each day gets more and more like the last day
still i can see it coming
while im standing in the river drowning
this could be my chance to break out
this could be my chance to say goodbye
at last it's finally over
couldn't take this town much longer
being half dead wasn't what i planned to be
now i'm ready to be free
so here i am it's in my hands
and i'll savor every moment of this
so here i am alive at last
and i'll savor every moment of this
and won't you think i'm pretty
when i'm standing top the bright lit city
and i'll take your hand and pick you up
and keep you there to so you can see
as long as you're alive and care
i promise i will take you there
and we'll drink and dance the night away
as long as you're alive
here i am
i promise i will take you there
late night relaxation.. tea, a joint, and a vapour bath. its all imminent. and excellent. goodnight. i'll pack in the morning. my candles are peaking.. all the religious icons printed in cheap plastic wrap on the fronts are illuminated and the saints are watching me.. naked.. (i'm naked, not the saints) another good band name. .the naked saints.. hmm.. with the creepy religious candles opening. ok.. gotta go before i write more stoopid stuff. bath tub is probably overflowing with vapour bath and vibe. goodnight again.
well i did it, i walked away from some work.. as it was getting nearer and nearer to midnight and my throat began to close more and more it became abundantly clear that i was unable to finish everything i needed to finish for the evening (i took on too much work as usual, and everyone needs it by friday of course!) so i threw together something little to help out with the promotion efforts for the weekend (parties parties) and i'm uploading it now and getting ready to begin packing for my week away.. it sucks now that i didn't finish this shit i know i have to get it done by monday.. so sunday night i'll be sitting at my sister's home in delaware working on my laptop and i'm taking my hard drive and cd burner with me.. this is turning into one of those trips where i just end up working in another place for a week.. so tomorrow jason, nick and i are driving to philadelphia for a meeting at 4pm (we're booking at 2 and speeding the fuck down there) and then getting to our hotel in time for the rehearsal dinner for the wedding on saturday.. we're not in the wedding, but i'm glad to get out of new york, and any excuse is a good excuse. besides, rehearsal dinners are fun - and we're djing at it which should be fun as shit. we brought a bunch of lounge records, trip hop, acid jazz, etc.. nick's bringing his tables, the hotel has a pa system.. this should be a riot. umm.. my throat is killing me! i need to take a bath.. i've been scrounging around all day in my pajamas (no shit) and do you want to know something? ok, i will tell you- i woke up this morning, after going to bed last night at 6am (yes 6am) and the alarm was fucked up and i woke up and saw that it was 1:30 and was like "oh shit" cause i had so much work to do today- plus i thought i was going to get this other thing done, which i just gave up on and told the kid it'll have to wait till monday.. which is not my style, but i'm so exhausted/feeling the sickness coming on i can't afford to get ill before i travel.. that was a crazy run on thought.. umm so yeah, i woke up and was like "why am i so tired" it was like i got hit in the face with a pool cue or something, and i was equally as frazzled. so i jumped up, made my bed as i always do, straightened up a little, washed up and sat at the computer.. then looked at the clock on the computer "10:00am" .. wtf? i slept less than 4 hours and my other clock was fucked up. what a shitty thing. so then i couldn't just go back to sleep, so i pressed on.. and here it is, a blink later and its 1:30 am.. time to get the fuck off this machine, start packing and put my gear in my suitcase.. you know a geek when he's got 10 pairs of socks and a harddrive in his luggage.
looking forward to this trip, although i'll be working it'll give me a chance to be by myself for a few. i'll be at my sisters monday and tuesday i fly to myrtle beach til friday then back to philly.. ursula rucker is performing that night, but i'm sure it'll be too late as i land in philly at about 11:30pm.. need to figure out where i'm staying and what i'm doing, but i'm sure it'll be someplace groovy doing something groovy. weddings are parties and i'm sure i'll have some stories.. and i got a new camera, so expect some funny ass pictures, and shit. need to go get ready.. i'm glad i put this work off till monday, i was about to have a breakdown really. my ability to deal with stress, under conditions of 19-20 hour work days and fatigue is dwindling. i heard i'm "not 24 anymore". like thats when i was able to stay awake forever and design for the green. i like the scrills, but shit, i gotta sleep too. i need to take a bath and soak my typing fingers. they're sore and so is my back.. and my eyes and my throat.. please email me motrin and vapor bath. save joel. but first, save yourself. you're worth it.
happy and safe weekend. xo. more from the road.
current mood: ooo yeah. bedtime before 6am.
current music: grandmaster flash and the furious five- beat street breakdown
beat street the king of the beat
they see ya rockin' that beat from across the street
beat street is a lesson too, because you can't let the streets beat you
its officially fall.. well, in my book when your lips are chapped and your throat is on fire and you're rocking red sweatshirts and slippers in the house then its autumn. and its hit me fully.. i'm enjoying this dip in the weather, but the hours i've been carrying the last few days are literally going to make me sick.. of course right before i go to myrtle beach for a few days of rest and relaxation next tuesday.. i have a wedding to go to on friday, and then i'm planning on scooting on the down the coast from philly to charlotte to south carolina on one of them aerogyros, but dangit my mucus factory is in full switch. i am waking up every morning like i've been hit by a truck, and i go through the day half complaining/moaning and slowly until around 4 or 5 when i get this burst of energy for a few hours and then get right back down.. its 2:30 am and i'm going to be up for about another 2-3 hours again tonight. no rest for the wicked, or the busy. i'm both. anyway, hot breathe easy tea is doing the trick and i got a bunch of new meds on a walk to rite aid around dusk tonight. some expectorant, some vapor bath, eye drops, nasal spray, tissues, you name it.. and some new razors. gotta look sharp for this wedding, anything could happen, right? anyway, today has been one of the busiest days in the past few months and tomorrow i have to be in sort of decent condition for the day ahead- i have about 4 things due on friday and i'm taking off friday to drive to philly for this wedding. so i haven't packed yet of course, but i did get my new slick ass slacks (thats a good name for a band) hemmed tonight and a pair of these bad motherfuckin' benetton cords (beige) that i scored a couple months ago but hadn't seen a tailor yet. so i did alot of things today.. and left the computer twice. thats right. right now i'm drinking my echinacea and vitamin c lemon ice defense vitamin water. tastes like gatorade of course.. and i'm shoving motrin into my face every few hours, but my throat's still torn to shreds. i'm going to get out the humidifier and compete with this dehydration head on.. my beds too comfortable to want to get out of it in the morning so i don't lie around and stay ill.. i jumped right up today and hit it. and i went to bed last night at 5:30 or so.. my eyes are going to fall out of my head.. in better news i was watching the baseball game on fox tonight and the commercial my band, killit, appeared in was on.. i finally shit a brick. its pretty slick and super fun looking. theres this one shot where i have my mouth open and am throwing my guitar up like a total tard, but it looks like we're fuckin' rockin like we should be. oh, and then they turn us into cartoons and we end up on some emo chicks cd cover somehow... didn't follow the story line too much- this mtv generation style editing makes my brain soft. but yeah, its fun to watch and i want to see it again. now its supposed to air in 20 other global markets on all prime time network television.. nutty. and i'll still be lonely and alone. eating motrin and rocking all night.
current mood: sleepy, tired, yawn, bed, not yet
current music: 10,000 maniacs- in my tribe
who was 10,000?
tell all the english boys you meet about your boy back in the states
mmm.. scotch..
my friend from virginia just called me and said he saw the intel commercial on nbc during dateline.. and that its cool, so that puts my mind at ease. now i have to watch more tv. back to work. xojoel
please excuse the radio silence. i've been taciturn lately and up to my ass in a million things to do as usual. i never run out of ideas to keep me busy thats for sure! so... the reunion was great- saw alot of old friends.. only about 1/3 of my class showed up but we had a really great time. everyone thought my life was really interesting. lots of people doing the career doctor/lawyer/insurance thing but jason and i were the only ones in nyc and doing music. it was cool.. ended up getting so fucking tore up jason and i couldn't leave philly and stayed at the loews on market.. nice hotel.. 15 floors up isn't my style, but by the time i got back there i was so fucking hammered it didn't matter. anyway, we had a super good time- was great to see all these kids and how far they've gone ..
everyone said we had the most interesting lives.. so who knows.. they were like "yeah i remember you had a record company back in high school how's that going" and i'm like "wellllll.. i still do.. let me lay it on you.." and i'm an actor/model/musician now (really- i can say that.. but didn't!) .. so it was cool being the punk rock kid that did well with himself. it was great .. tomorrow i'll post some photos from the reunion so you can see me in a suit. anyway, we were the last class there drinking our tuition away (it was super expensive to go there as it is a jesuit preparatory school and they don't fuck around).. we entered the school with 200 people, graduated with like 90 from people failing out or getting thrown out. it was such a hard learning environment that they didn't even have ranking or anything like that. if you stuck it out till senior year you obviously had a brain or a super rich parent with a loose checkbook. anyway, they built so much new shit at my school its ridiculous.. a college-style fieldhouse, all new facilities.. its insane now.. not anything like when i went there, although the set up was really great back then- nothing in the bio or physics labs have changed.. the computers are current even.. we were working on like really terrible ibm xt's or something when i had crazy ass machines at home back then. i wouldn't even bother doing my computer work in school because it would take too long.. mind you that was 92 when i graduated. so whatever. i shaved my beard off for this reunion shit. so what was i saying.. or typing even.. jason and i were one of the last 10 kids there, and by the time we left to head back to our hotel we were piss drunk and my friend andi drove the rental car and we changed and went out to see a couple bands at our old favorite spots around old city in philadelphia. then ended up at a friends new house from like 5 years ago (and i haven't seen him since back then) and on his back porch enjoying his keg as there was like 5 people at his housewarming party.. we got him to light off some intimidating looking eight ounce bottle rockets that whistled and shot really high and made lots of noise.. we had no idea what time it was but jason insisted.. "do it mike .. do it!!" and he did it.. so we ended up back at the hotel, not without jason losing a little bit of his stomache on the car ride across town (it wasn't as ill as i'm making it out to be.. no witnesses.. clean.. like we like it).. so i ended up passing out on the 15th floor on my back in a super comfy bed and woke up at noon wondering where the hell i was.. sunday absolutely sucked shit, being that it was sunny as hell, totally beautiful and neither jason nor i could tolerate being alive because we were like giant cottonballs of dehydration. we caught some breakfast with some friends and immediately hit the road. jason trooped it and drove us all the way back to brooklyn. the relief i felt when we entered kings county was amazing. i was glad to be home.. i really hate the new jersey turnpike and all its stupid little fucking rest stops. and the traffic was total shit too, so i was in a poor mood by the time i realized that baseball was going to ruin my evening of the simpsons. but we do have the treehouse of horror to look forward to on nov 3. i checked.. anyway, i didn't do shit for the remainder of sunday except grab my laundry, drink alot of water, cleaned my house a bit.. yesterday was busy as ever and today is no exception. we had rehearsal last night so that was great- started a new tune that i can tell is going to be super duper.. its really arranged differently from anything we've done up to this point.. and then after practice we went out and got drinks for nicks birthday.. so i was buzzing again last night. my liver will speak some day. so right now, i sit in the sunshine of my bedroom and i'm anxiously trying to get a million things done before i leave on friday for a week. . i know i'll make the stupid mistake of bringing my laptop with me.. i can't help it. i hate turning down the scrills for stuff that i actually enjoy doing. its just doing it so much makes me fucking crazy. looks like tonight and tomorrow are going to be busy evenings.. i have rehearsal again tomorrow night, and then of course print deadlines on thursday and then off to some meetings in philly on friday, and staying in philly for the weekend for my friends lara and chuck's wedding. jason, nick and i are djing the rehearsal dinner.. it should be interesting! haha. i gotta pull out my old cocktail sets.. lounge music.. yeah..
so come sit in the sunshine.
current mood: everything's just fine
current music: new found glory- nfg
oh.. it looks like i'm finally going to break 10,000 hits.. if its you, write me for your prize. no shit!
you can look at the menu but you just can't eat
you can feel the cushions but you can't have a seat
you can dip your foot in the pool but you can't have a swim
you can feel the punishment but you can't commit the sin.
and you want her, and she wants you
we want everyone
and you want her, and she wants you
no one, no one, no one ever, is to blame.
you can build a mansion but you just can't live in it
you're the fastest runner, but you're not allowed to win
some break the rules and live to count the cost
the insecurity is the thing that won't get lost.
and you want her, and she wants you
we want everyone
and you want her, and she wants you
no one, no one, no one ever, is to blame.
you can see the summit but you can't reach it
it's the last piece of the puzzle but you just can't make it fit
doctor says you're cured, but you still feel the pain
aspirations in the clouds, but your hopes go down the drain.
and you want her, and she wants you
we want everyone
and you want her, and she wants you
no one, no one, no one ever, is to blame
no one ever is to blame, no one ever is to blame.
howard jones- no one is to blame
don't look now.. but thats me, stoned in a sepia tone.
i should've written to you about it, but it would've hurt my hand to do so.
my rod lavers made this lonely squeaking sound as i slid back in my candlelit house from a quick walk in the rain to the local deli to buy a much needed 6 pack and some other random things i figured i absolutely needed for my house. like goober grape- peanut butter and jelly in one. and you know what? i finished off both my peanut butter (skippy) and my welch's grape this morning on a couple of pieces of oat toast, so hells yeah. and i needed some more detergent and other things i won't discuss, but i did buy myself some candy. its been such a long long day and i sit here in silence listening to pan flutes on tony scott's "music for zen meditation" to calm down. the amstel light and knowledge of thai food's imminent delivery also provides a bit of solace in this humidifying and humbling day. i couldn't get a good nights rest last night because i was anticipating meeting with my accountant today, and as a result anticipated being overwhelmed and so forth, and i was right.. after working for about 5 hours this morning (after sleeping like total shit) on some graphics i had to finish today (thursdays are the days we designers go to print with everything, see, so we can get it back late tomorrow night) .. my accountant showed up, he does like all these rock stars accounting, but took us on like 7 years ago before we even knew what money was and now we're like in so far we can't get out.. so anyway, i've been complaining for the last 2 years that i'm getting gauged on tax filing- like its double what i actually pay in taxes because of this firm we're working with.. so in order to gain better control of my financial outlook and budgeting, and to know where every single cent goes and comes from i decided to take it back into my own hands.. and realized that its now worth paying these guys to do all the tax shit, because its so time consuming. i learned how to use quickbooks in 4 hours and finished january and half of february for one of my companies, including reconciling bank statements and going through every single atm withdrawal and deposit from 2 years ago.. its so tedious and uncreative that i am amazed i didn't freak out. anyway, he left at 8:30pm and i had a chance to get back to my creative life for a moment.. before i realized i was almost set for anxiety attack, realizing how much work i have to do on top of all the shit i already do that keeps me awake 18 hours a day.. so i'm just going to spread it out- 2 hours a night over the next month and i'll be in good shape.. and then 2003 i'm going to enter my ledgers every single day so i don't ever get behind and never have to worry about this kind of shit again. i don't mind paying someone to do it, but 8 grand for someone filing your taxes for you is out of fucking hand. anyway, i can always look at it as i have a new skill... right? someday i can like live in Laos or something and get a job at a shop or hammock factory or something being their book keeper.. and a damn anal one i am already. jeez. i hate having all those receipts and papers out- it makes me fucking nervous to look at it all. once i get it in the computer i'm going to put them in storage like years 93-99 and never think of them again. anyway, as you might tell, doing things that don't suit me makes me anxious. but you'd think something like this fucking precise would make my obsessive compulsive dick hard.. it did to a point, but to fully get over it i had to swiffer my whole apartment and then wet swiffer my kitchen.. i've yet to vaccuum. tomorrow.. i just watered my plants and i'm going to go smoke a bowl and play my guitar and wonder why everything always seems so hard for me. but i wouldn't be able to give my life to someone else ever.. its too fucking interesting.
oh man.. the thai food guy just totally pulled a sneak attack on me. this is the third person thats told me my buzzer doesn't work.. of course it fucking worked this morning at 9:15am when the fed ex lady buzzed it, but not when i actually don't mind getting up.. does this whole entry just reek of complaining? i gotta get it out somewhere, or i'd hit the streets and do my shit again. and i aint going back to juvie! gotta keep the lid on tight. hahaha. oh man. its raining its pouring.. when will i be boring? so yeah.. tomorrow will be a better day, as long as i don't drink this whole six pack myself and shit.. jason and i are driving to philly on saturday for our ten year class reunion. its going to be the most rockinest funnest thing ever.. AND we get to go to church! wicked. so wish me luck- i hope i'm everything they ever wanted me to be. at least i use my gifts for good.. not evil. wicked.
current mood: it pulled me under, now i am over it
current music: tony scott- music for zen meditation
i just emptied my flight receipts out of the little folder that's been holding them.. its time to trade them in for a free flight to the bahamas.. it kind of made my stomache turn to see how much time i spent flying back and forth between virginia, and how much time i really spent down there this past summer.. i don't regret any of it, but if i didn't make an effort than i don't know who did.. two times in march, once in april, may, june, july and even august when we didn't even speak anymore.. i am definitely not going down there anytime soon as i think i got virginia beach out of my system and won't be visiting for a long time. all these trips were between 3 and 5 day durations, so its obvious i gave a shit. just makes me a little sick to see these remnants of something i once believed so much in. now i'm trading them in for a vacation somewhere i really want to be. the receipts are as tattered as i once felt, and i'm glad its finally far enough away that i can sit here and think about things without getting a sick feeling. and no, i haven't changed. i wouldn't ever know how to anyway. i'm still as wild and as awake as ever. feeling great about me and about everything that there was ever resentful feelings over. so i rock on as usual. i've packed up these receipts .. when november comes i will go dip my toe in the white sand of freeport.
current mood: vouch for me
current music: oasis
Slide Away
slide away - and give it all you've got
my today - fell in from the top
i dream of you - and all the things you say
i wonder where you are now?
hold me down - all the world's asleep
i need you now - you've knocked me off my feet
i dream of you - we talk of growing old
but you said please don't !
slide in baby - together we'll fly
i've tried praying - and i know just what you're saying to me
now that you're mine
i'll find a way
of chasing the sun
let me be the one that shines with you
in the morning when you don't know what to do
two of a kind we'll find a way
to do what we've done
let me be the one that shines with you
and we can slide away.
jeez. it seems whenever i need to get something done i put it off and get other things done that aren't as pressing.. i think its weird.. my brain will allow me to carry shit all over my house without actually completing the task of where i had planned to move whatever it is i am holding, and i generally will walk it all the way back to where i picked it up.. so i'm a nut basically. i've spent the last few hours doing nothing but screwing around with my house label, warmth's website.. check it out.. anyway, its completely unfinished but i was getting tired of looking at the other one, and it didn't really scream out to me like this one does. all the art's mine, and the programming too. sometimes i don't know how i get started on things until i'm almost done. anyway, that one's quite a work in progress, have to encode some dj sets, some tracks, get some bios and photos together, etc.. but that'll be done in a couple days. i've already set my mind to it i guess. anyway, i've been secretly working on THIS site as well - i spent about 10 hours on it last weekend and i would do the same this weekend, since i know its not winter of 2002 anymore, and i've been unable to update the structure of this piece of crap that i call my place but whatever.. when i get the new one up it'll be well worth it i think. it has purple in it. thats cool, right? anyway, i can't do a thing this weekend cause get this - its jason and my tenth year anniversary for our jesuit all boys preparatory school, st. joseph's prep in north philly. its going to be fucking swell. i haven't talked to any of those assholes i went to school with in about 10 years, so its about time i go there and tell them what i really thought. it was one of those schools where you enter with 200 kids and graduate with 90. no shit.. and by the time you get to college you're a junior because of credits, realize that you don't need college and end up splitting to move to japan.. at least in my case i did. anyway- i learned alot there, including my love for religion, languages and a good moral debate. but most importantly to be a man for others, and to use your talents and god given gifts to their utmost. no slacking on the pimpin.
so yeah, i'll be sure to give an update on that. i've been waiting for this shit for a while. jason and i are probably the only two that aren't married and are actually doing something crazy with our lives.. music and art.. and making a living at it. i always thought i was going to be a doctor, jason a dentist.. and here we are ten years later and we can argue about latin and doctrine, but i get woozy from watching those trauma shows on the discovery channel (who the hell watches those anyway?) .. so making music and releasing music, and designing seems to be a better fit for me.. i always wonder, is this what i do because i chose to do it, or because i was meant to do it.. its not like commercial art is some higher calling, cause it isn't.. i just happen to be really talented at some things and wish i were better at others.. still have to learn to play the piano, kung fu, and speak hindi before i get on with the cosmic era of my life. what do you want to do? do it!
current mood: just fine. thanks.
current music: chet baker
i would empty my cup to taste your tea
i woke up at 6:30am today, to complete silence except for the little birds waking up in the trees and calling out to each other, are you still there? i was standing in my bathroom, mesmerized by the sound and then realized i could go back to sleep. so i did. i had such a long day yesterday, and still recouperating from the weekend, so i actually got home from rehearsal last night and didn't turn the computer on once.. instead i was in bed at the super early time of 1am and couldn't believe it. clean sheets will draw you towards them when you're that tired.. so while i was up briefly, since i had gone to bed so early and my body thought it was time to get up, i took some motrin and had a terrible time swallowing them since my throat had managed to close itself up over the night.. it's now completely sore and it hurts to speak or swallow or anything. so i'm on the vitamin c, echinacea, breathe easy tea, gargling with salt water, and going slowly regiment. i feel like i have about 20 things to do within the next hour, but i'm freaking myself out into thinking that i don't have the entire day, so i decided to sit down here and write something before i tackled a thing of real work. its really nice out today- a shame that i'm so achey, and i knew that i was getting sick all along. so nothing for me to do today but work, sit around in some shorts and a sweatshirt and quietly moan and complain to myself. and eat motrin like its candy of course. how can i be loud when i have such a sore throat? it doesn't suit me. and my sinuses are completely in agony as well, but i'll get to complaining about that some other time. how are you? fine i hope. i think my anticipation of fall is cute, as i have all my sweaters and nice fall pants ready to rock.. the days haven't come yet to pull them out and get all stylish, but its inevitable. and i have to get my time in there before winter comes and i hibernate.. this winter i am just going to spend alot of time writing music, rehearsing, and gigging out. we rehearsed last night for a few hours and i was just so beat afterwards, my ears were ringing.. and thought i had to come right back to work.. but ya basta, i stood by my other, more sickly self and said we're going to lie down instead.. slept 11 hours, and i'm still feeling like total shit. ok, slow motion today. its tuesday and i realize i didn't write a thing worth reading. happy october first.
current mood: sick and such
current music: the flaming lips- finally the punk rockers are taking acid
