2002
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2002 |
today was one of those days that i could've sat in the bathtub forever. i had quite a night before last and tried to stay in bed as late as possible. but ended up peeking out from beneath the covers to see a window full of breezes and sunshine so i got up and opened all the windows and sat around all afternoon. i made some wicked home fries with onions and garam masala (obscure indian spice that goes hand in hand with curry powder) and drank orange juice and choked down a b vitamin and a couple of c's. my throat is beginning to be sore- i'll bet because of all the screaming last night. i had a good time.. so i screamed. it was also one of those days that going to the laundromat, or the deli, which are both a single block away, seemed like the biggest task. i ended up making it to the laundry and dropped some off and picked up my fresh clean lovely sheets, still warm from the dryer and made by bed. so i have that to look forward to any moment- the fresh new week, the last day of the month, and super high thread count bliss. also, i got some root beer in bottles the other day, and let me tell you- root beer, home fries, hash and television are the things to do on sunday afternoons. it was so amazing out today, i almost felt bad for feeling so out of it. i have kind of dreamt my way through this afternoon- the outside time did me well and now i'm listening to a bruce lee documentary in the background filling my empty living room. i bought new plants this weekend and positioned them in some really cool places in my bathroom- i want it to look like a jungle in there eventually. i'm blowing up a picture i took of some water lillies and pasting an entire wall so it looks like its outdoors.. yeah.. and more plants hanging all over the place so it'll be like the amazon in there eventually. i think this winter i'll just totally improve my home.. right now i really really dig it like it is, i've been making small changes and additions for the past few months but when i hibernate when the chilly business comes i'll be spending alot of time messing around with the digs. yeah. so i'm spacing out again.. this month literally blinked by me. not like the aungish of august.
current mood: not yet tired.
current music: teevee
no way as way no limitation as limitation
to keep her caged would just delay the spring.
its so gorgeous out today.. i'm going to take a walk around park slope and run some errands and hopefully buy some picture frames for my new art project- i'm framing 20 photographs in a grid on my hallway as you walk in my apartment. the lights from my track lighting will shine down on them where they currently illuminate blank walls. i am also rocking up to the farmers market to buy some new plants in memory of my two invy and ficus that perished after i removed them from the delicate ecosystem of home depot. i have a bath tub filling up right now and i'm completely in a great mood. last night was a great show- tennis totally rocked it and had a great crowd of 100 or so sticking around super late (like 1am) to watch their set. i was pretty psyched- we also unofficially released their new seven inch "pure evil" last night. they look so good- green vinyl, the inks are all consistent from the cover printer in florida to the record press in california. everything arrived yesterday morning, as i slunk out of bed at 10am to answer the call of ups. i was incredibly hung over, as i told you thursday i was going out- well, i did. and i did it my way. so anyway, as i making tea i accidently smacked my head into cabinet door the was sticking out- i mean dead on the corner.. i kinda stumbled back and decided tea wasn't the answer and bed was.. so i stayed in it till well after noon. then got brunch with my brother and his lady, went to the bank, hit the post office, and came back in time to watch my new favorite show "john doe".. i don't do anything on friday nights as it is, being that i haven't been one to want to go out after the weeks that just seem to step all over me. so what was i typing about.. i gotta read back. oh yeah, so i was on the thread about my day.. from tennis seven inch mentions. i eventually had my tea by the way and my head still hurts and i have bruise the size of a quarter under my bangs. so it feels like crap but doesn't LOOK like crap. i wonder how my bath is doing? i put it on really slowly so i would have a better chance of forgetting about it. being stoned and all on this sunny saturday afternoon. i'm hungee.. i better check the tub.. ok 3/4's of the way up. i like it RIGHT on the maximum fill level. and then i jump in it like the greek archimedes.. discovering my own methods of displacement. i get more displaced when i smoke a bowl and get in a hot bath and listen to a nice record. thats the shit right there. so thats the plan. then i'm going to go buy some plants in homage to their fallen brothers and sisters. and stick a bagel in my mouth.. tonight i have a party. if you're around nyc check warmth for the skinny. i'm djing first, at 10ish. so come check it out, ok? i'll be rocking some lovely groovy atmospheric drum n bass ... the kind that you want to fuck to. i don't want to pretend that i'm into playing 2 hour house sets, cause i'm not. i want to play what i like and then have some fuckin' drinks already. yeah. so this bath is imminent, and my mind is everywhere.
current mood: super
current music: travis- sing
ok so i went out for once on a thursday night.. and i'm paying the price.. hung over on a friday morning.. but its not daylight yet, so i won't complain.. give me a few hours.. anyway, i've been really introspecitve, very insightful and really straight with my feelings today.. i'm ok.. and thats that.. and it's only getting more and more wonderful as the days click by like seconds.. i'm losing track of time but learning so much there's no way to calculate it all.. if that makes any sense.. i'm feeling instead of blocking.. letting go, letting everything come in as it might.. and hoping that it all clicks.. the grooves fit together, i just need to make them line up. and thats that. where is my phone when i need to make the drunken phone calls? nevermind.. i will talk to the pillow instead.. it won't give me shit, thats for sure.. tomorrow is another day, and friday even.. so i'll take it as such. i needed to reflect, forget, remember and work out alot of things.. my emotions are the hardest thing, and i am just way too tuned in to turn them off.. get it back.. get it away..
current mood: alone alive
current music: ssd- nothing done
the hours are long and lonely, but man oh man. the glory.. thats a different story. the life of a designer isn't all that sexy actually. it kinda sucks really. whatever i'm not stressing. its only 2 am and i don't have anything due till like 6pm tomorrow night.. then alot of things for friday, but at least its going to be rainy and what not today, so i can buckle down and actually get some shit done.. today was really productive, and then at 6:30 i got out the door and on the train, listening to my cd player and zoning out looking up and down the somewhat empty subway car.. 10 stops later i was in front of the place that we had our audition- 5th floor.. we all met upstairs and met the casting director- its for this new spot they're running on abc family channel or something.. they're looking for a band that fits our description, is funny and natural and obviously is really tight- friends foremost.. well, thats us to a fuckin t and the guy filmed us and asked us stupid questions and we all were pretty funny actually, and he was like really psyched and said that he hopes they pick us and what not.. and he's already seen quite a few bands, so we'll know tomorrow after his meeting with the programming people. it would be funny if we got it.. i am glad that we're doing all this interesting shit- it makes for good memories, and besides its fun and i don't want to every wonder, what if...?
thats not my style.. everything i think about i have in some way put it into motion and carried most of them through.. this expensive hobby of mine has turned into a career over the years and i'm still shaping what direction its going in, but at least its going .. i am glad that i'm so busy- i wouldn't know how to exist otherwise.. so yeah.. i'm pretty pleased with everything right now.. 2am and tired as can be.. i think i'm going to relax and try and read and look out my window if the rain starts falling.. i love waking up in the morning and having my tea all ready to go .. i have a long weekend ahead of me.. how'd it get to be thursday already?
current mood: hmmm yeah
current music: the cure- jumping someone elses train
don't say what you mean
you might spoil your face
if you walk in the crowd
you won't leave any trace
it's always the same
you're jumping someone else's train
it won't take you long
to learn the new smile
you'll have to adapt
or you'll be out of style
it's always the same
you're jumping someone else's train
if you pick up on it quick
you can say you were there
again and again and again
you're jumping someone else's train
it's the latest wave
that you've been craving for
the old ideal
was getting such a bore
now you're back in line
going not quite quite as far
but in half the time
everyone's happy
they're finally all the same
'cause everyone's jumping
everyone else's train
choo.. choo..
the sun is shining in my window like it LIVES here...
i just walked home drunk and in love with noone yet.. tripping down the windswept streets, looking up at the moon, taking photographs of stop lights and bushes with important looking lighting on them.. and stopped to talk to my dad for a moment, before realizing i was only a block from my house and i'd better step on it. so i hustled inside and threw off my thin black hooded coat (i am feeling like i might get sick soon), pulled off my shoes.. i settled down on my couch and lit all my candles and began this..
current mood: 7 drink minimum
current music: saves the day- third engine
what can i do... i'm still thinking about you..
man oh man what a day to spend indoors. i was staring out the window all day imagining riding a bike in the park, not mine, since i don't have one anymore, but day dreaming nonetheless.. i have been sitting here for the last 2 days trying to get a million things done before the end of the week, as usual, and i'm glad the pile is getting smaller and smaller.. its been an intensive design week- like 5 different projects, of course they're all unrelated and a couple last minute things just to keep life interesting on top of all the work i have to do for the record labels we run full time and all that jazz. i worked out a new song last night when i went to play guitar, and that's always something worth mentioning. we're having a couple parties this weekend- one on friday night for the 7" release of tennis (a band on our label) and one on saturday night for our house label, warmth .. and that should keep me in bed for the entire day on sunday after those two things. haha. so i'm working hard trying to clear my schedule and keep my head above the water so i don't have to be a stress case over the weekend. i've been taking my time, keeping my pace, and trying not to get nervous and overwhelmed about all the shit that seems to fall in my lap. whatever- today i woke up at 10am and the breeze was coming through my window and i saw the sunlight and i wondered where i was.. it was so beautiful i sprang right up and made myself a banana oj protein shake and some peppermint tea and then blinked and its 8:30 already. i was like "why am i sitting in the dark?" oh yeah.. its night time.. this month has just flown by at incredible speeds and has given me a chance to focus on whats important to me, and to take my emotions back day by day. i'm feeling incredibly forceful and creative lately and even a bit magnetic.. things i hope for seem to happen and i will never second guess either the manifestation of these events or my ability to hope for them instead of seeing them as things that will happen. i always need the hope and the want, and none of the instant satisfaction.. it tastes better when you've killed it yourself. success i mean, i'm a vegetarian.
so what are you doing this post full moon week? i'm still spun out and feeling like something's going to hit me at any minute, so i've been piling up on the vitamin c, b complex and echinacea.. not to mention the doses of breathe easy tea 2 times a day and whatever else i can grind up in a blender and add protein powder to. i don't want to go into my melatonin induced hibernation ala last year, when i literally realized myself coming out of this winter coma when march hit. i have too much to do this year- last year was set up compared to what i have in store this year.. 2002, a palendrome in itself, has been racecar year (which is a palendrome too) for me.. the wheels are peeling out beneath me and i've gotta get control as its only going faster from here on out.
oh so check this shit out.. the band that has yet to play a show but has already done a commercial and a record, my band- killit, i mean, is trying out for some new thing on the disney channel that involves bands like ours playing our own tunes.. funny shit. the audition is tomorrow.. wednesday i mean.. so wish us well.. we are going to play a show sometime, it just seems all this other random shit is happening for us why ruin a good thing? after the audition we're going to rehearse for 3 hours, and we've scheduled another one for friday night before the tennis show so we can get on the right track to finishing an album before spring and playing out before december. we just want to rock undeniably and with full furvor and thoughtfulness. right now we're just so full of ideas and stuff that we can't stop writing.. which has never been a problem before. but we need to actually perform.. that's what we should do next, most bands do everything the other way around, but what is conventional these days anyway? i'd rather have a record coming out and some other things going on at the same time.. makes it easier for us to play the kinds of shows we want with the kinds of bands we want.. and hopefully to work with the kind of people we want. i'm still waiting to see the commercial..
anyway, don't think i'm not thinking about writing as much as i possibly can.. seems alot lately i have written i don't end up posting since its so corny and that can pretty much sum up the way i've felt lately.. a bit out of sorts. everything's going my way, whichever way my nose is pointed is my way i guess. i am lead by my heart and my head seems to follow.. i started all this- i might as well finish it.
current mood: zen
current music: spoon- girls can tell
i had a new york moment you missed just a moment ago.. i got in a fight with a car driver over 2 bucks- he didn't have change for a 20.. he made my heart beat so fast i thought i was going to freak out and go for his throat.
he was saying all this shit how its not his fucking problem and cursing at me .. he was screaming at me because he didn't have change for a 20.. i was like "how can you be out, driving for a living, 5 dollars here 5 dollars there and you don't have change for a 20.. thats fucking ridiculous" etc.. it got really heated. it was a 5 dollar ride and he wanted ME to go somewhere and get change.. i was like "fuck that you're supposed to have change".. i felt really angry that this guy was screaming at me on my fucking street in front of my house about how much bullshit this was etc.. yeah .. so i gave him 3 bucks and told him i owed him 2 if he wanted to come back sometime and get it. where the fuck was i supposed to get change? i called him some nasty shit so the karma was exchanged. he was a little miserable fuck. anyway. i just smoked some hash so all is well. i'm swimming in the smoke its so thick. its amazing how miserable people want to spread their shit around. fuck that. i have a moat of sunshine 2 meters around me usually, but this asshole stepped through it. i'm going to get back to watching the travel channel and thinking about better places to be . i'm digging this kinda chilly weather but i think i'm coming down with something. watch out. i go outside all day long for one day and i get sick from it. whats up with that?
current mood: agitated
current music: afghan whigs- gentleman
i had quite an amazing day.. i truly enjoyed myself through and through and though i am exhausted i can't shut the conscious part of my brain off and feel the need to read, write and think. today i spent ambling around park slope, everywhere, checking out shops strolling along with a nice young lady i think is the cats pajamas.. we went to the park and walked and walked until we came to the carousel. and for 50 cents we rocked the shit out of that. i got a jumper, and mine went up way high- and i gotta tell you, that thing gets cooking.. you really get going around and its a little dizzying but so much fun.. we also checked out leffers homestead, a colonial post revolutionary war house that existed on 250 acres around park slope in 1783.. it was interesting, they just so happened to have a fair there today and everyone was dressed up in era costumes, and cooking outside and making butter and all that shit. it was really entertaining.. and then we hit the tiny zoo that prospect park has to offer- its more of an indoor display of turtles and so on, but they do have a couple of red panda bears that were so cute i wanted to punch them. i love pandas, and these guys were the most adorable things. i don't dig the idea of animals being caged up, but these guys were outside and had a shitload of room and i was just amazed that i could go see this kinda thing a mile from my house.. it was an amazing walk.. took hours and then the sun began setting so i bought myself a new bronze ganesh statue thats chilling on my end table now, and will hopefully help remove some obstacles in my life, and then shopped for the makings of a great dinner. i made barbecued seitan, potatoes, biscuits, vegetarian beans, and drank red stripes and i rolled a joint.. mmm.. sunday nights.. god bless.. it was totally a white trash vegetarian dinner.. and straight from my head cookbook to the plate.. so now i'm in the food coma, and even though i hate going to sleep, i have to end a great day.. oh yeah, i watched the emmy awards, which was entertaining, and so you know- no, they didn't air the commercial, they aired 1 of 3.. there's 2 others and we're in one of those. under the "intel in your photos" vignette.. i am not bummed, but i could've been watching the sopranos or something had i known that they weren't going to bust out all 3 at once, which i had every reason to believe. whatever, it'll be more interesting to see it randomly as i flick through channels some day. umm, yeah.. so spoon fuckin' rocked last night, and thats about it. i had a great time at the show and even made it to bed at a decent hour.. i opted not to go to the after party at the new brownies after i saw the owner at the show and insisted that i go.. i dipped out and headed back to brooklyn right afterwards. i'm glad i made that choice and had the chance to get to bed earlyish and sleep as late as anything today.. i woke up and felt great.. always a first for sunday mornings! now.. i am going to go play guitar- and then climb into my fresh clean sheets (the #1 best thing in life) and dream about life the universe and everthing. these are the kinds of days that you realize what you have and the potential of everything. the sun was blessing us all day and the weather was peaking- a great way to send off summer. but, it can go on and on and on if we let it...
current mood: feeling fine
current music: dj rap- good to be alive
the race for miss america is on.. jeez, wish i could stay in and laugh. i had no idea- since i've been best friends with the dvd player since the recent purchase of simpsons season 2 dvd.. no reason for real life to interfere. so i had a really nice day today.. wanted to go to the park, but didn't feel like going it alone, as i would go miles and miles in and then have noone to talk to on the way back (and my cell phone doesn't work out there) so i opted to skate around park slope for 2 hours.. the weather was ideal, and the streets are back to normal- no more super hot summer tar shit. i'm so glad that 99º weather stuff is over with and i can sorta start rocking some windbreakers and so on.. its 77 right now and a full moon. no wonder i feel so at odd with everything right now. i'm a tidal waving vertigo ridden kinda kid on these days. dizzy and overwhelmed.. so i'll blame it on the moon.. met a friend for lunch and had some falafel and then continued on my ride and finally got in around 6 something and have just been relaxing since. i forgot that tonight a friend of mine invited me to go see spoon months ago and i was like "ok.." and he called me up today and reminded me.. today.. i was like "ok.." so i'm going to go rock out from 11 to midnight and then hustle right back into park slope. i was going to go to a party tonight, but i'm just feeling to freaky deaky to deal with being around a shitload of people and then going to an apartment to spin records and get drunk. i'd rather just come home or go to a bar in park slope and play some darts and chill. i think the second plan is going to be the one that ends up happening. besides, i have a million things to do tomorrow and i don't want to be completely shitfaced tonight. the getting drunk thing doesn't suit me at all, so i'm trying to be very moderate these days- its a pivotal point in my life and i need to be more aware. so, tomorrow night during the emmy awards they're supposed to air the commercial my band, killit, appeared in for intel processors... its going to be a huge spot, so i'm pretty excited, but i'm sure we'll look like total tools. laugh at me- it'll be funny .. whatever. its good for my resume of random weird and fun shit i've done in my life. so i better get in the shower, pop on my threads, and for all the girls i might (nah) take home i got the johnsons baby powder and gucci cologne. fresh, dressed like a million bucks..
current mood: tidal
current music: doug e. fresh
sneaking a shower in before bedtime is the way to go.. i feel so good right now- all relaxed and less stressed and thanks for everything. the moon is over my right shoulder, getting ready to be as full as can be shortly, and the clouds are moving quickly across the sky. its really beautiful - the view i have out of my window.. the sky is dying to reveal its stars.. i had a really nice day.. the sun was on my side today, and the weather was ideal in my opinion, so after lunch i worked and worked really quickly to get some stuff done and then walked back up the slope to make some photocopies of some press things for this artist on my label, and then went back to nicks house and chilled- listened to a test press of one of our new records by this band, tennis who incidently are playing a show next week that is a must-see and right here in park slope. i'll get back to that.. anyway, we chilled out, watched the tv and got to know the stars of this new season of survivor (i only watch the first episode so i can refer to it later in the season) and office space was on comedy central, which is by far one of the funniest flicks ever.. so we chilled and got some burritos, made some drinks and relaxed.. it was super nice. then came home and worked like crazy and then and chilled with another friend for a little while and watched the simpsons season two dvd which has totally paid for itself by now .. i am enamored with the simpsons, of course, so i can't wait to own all the seasons.. i currently have the first 7 seasons on tape and without commercial (no shit!) we geek so hard.. but don't be alarmed, i didn't record them myself.. this kid that's even more obsessed took care of that bit. yeah.. so today was nice.. now i'm just getting ready to read and then hopefully my eyes will be bugged out enough that i can sleep. i have no plans for this weekend, except to clean my house at some point tomorrow night and then saturday i want to go to the botanical garden.. its going to be super duper. all the last flowers of the summer will be going for it, and i'll be right there to appreciate them. and then some more nothingness.. i need a break already or i'm going to break. so i think i'm going to south carolina for a little revival the second week in october.. it will be fun, no matter what i'll make it fun. i'm walking fun. there's a party over here.. i think i'm going to be able to read about 2 chapters before i collapse. i really hate going to sleep for some reason.. its really hard for me to just lie down and shut off.. my brain and body have to be in synch and want the same thing.. otherwise i just dream about sleeping, or dream about having fun or some fucked up shit like that. when you dream about recreation and rest its bad. so i'm ready for a vacation. i'm going to the bahamas in november. .thats a little far off though, but i was commenting today as we were walking, that september has just flown by. and august seemed forever. i couldn't wait to leave that month behind me. and here it is, almost pumpkin season and i'm watching every day fly by.. well, not watching.. making them. never short on ideas, know how, or need, just short on time. i still have so much to do.. this mind is still loud and my thoughts are on fire in the middle of the night. .the moon is saying goodnight from behind the veil of clouds, and its definitely starting to smell like autumn.. its in the air.
have a great weekend. don't forget whats important to you.
current mood: feeling fine
current music: cocteau twins- stars and topsoil
i'm captain morty kidd.. find out what your pirate name is here
i just took a nice long walk up the hill and got some afternoon breakfast at dizzy's with nick.. peppermint tea does the headaches nicely. it was super chill and now i'm all in a food coma at 4pm.. the walk and the air and the sunlight was beautiful.. the weather is perfect- 73º and sunny.. and just amazing. i wish it would stay like this around here forever.. i wonder where i could live that it would be like this every day? san diego? hmm.. so i better actually get some work done.. its 4pm on a thursday and normally i'd be having a breakdown by now, but the amount of shit i've already done this week is admirable, and i only have a few things due tomorrow.. so we'll pace it like that.
current mood: still cool
current music: coldplay
its so gorgeous outside. i am going to enjoy my day no matter what.. the weeks almost over...
current mood: happy, hungry, i want tofu scrambler
current music: nightmares on wax- smoker's delight
well.. i got home after hitting the streets for meetings all day from 1pm-11pm and then decided to check my email and it turns out something i did for a client in japan i had to re-do because i always have to do things last minute, of course.. and they picked the one that they didn't want before but then changed their mind (of course after i left the discs in va) .. so i had to redo the whole thing and upload it to my server.. 51 mega shit eating bytes.. my eyes are going to fall out of my head, and how then will i see your pretty smile? its now 3:40 am and i'm officially overworked. fatigued, and noone's awake to talk to at 3:40. this is shitty.
i wrote a haiku about it.
a haiku by joel t jordan.
watching the status bar. it does not go forward fast. it keeps me awake.
thats it.. now to lay back and watch the money roll in .. yeah..
current mood: beat to death with a g4
current music: suzanne vega- blood makes noise
you can't make me stop loving you
everythings empty in the middle. i can't bring myself to write about my 13 hour day already.. i'm going to be up till 4 or 5 as it is. please email me whatever extra time, emotional energy, fortitude, and love that you have.. i'll be grateful to be here.. the day was so long.. and all unrelated. many tangents reaching towards each other for some common thread.. it's been so detailed i hope i can remember it all. reminded me of why i am in new york- its the only place you can have so many things happen to you, for you, and do so many things and see so many people in the space of 5 blocks. today was a series of vignettes.. lots of singular moments i want to think about, i felt like a visitor.. but the theme really was about being in manhattan in the late summer and wandering/wondering around.
current mood: don't want anything
current music: blindside- pitiful
i haven't felt like talking much.. but i've felt like spilling my guts. i'm going to lie in the dark and listen to music in my headphones and look at the candles. its cozy in here on a late summer evening. it's only missing one thing.
current mood: sanguine
current music: doves
"If You Leave Me Now" Chicago. if you leave me now, you'll take away the biggest part of me a love like ours is love that's hard to find cause i need you more than you'll ever know a bottle of country club strawberry soda froze itself and exploded in my fridge tonight in a violent act of protest. ¡ya basta! i remember the first time i saw this, the care bears movie, in the theater the lines were insane.. i had to give this one girl that cut in line the care bear stare. current mood: carealot i wish i had never gotten up today.. my head is spinning and the sky is grey.. my bed looks so good, felt so good, and i'm still thinking about you and what happened. you made an impression and i still sometimes feel the bruise.. i'm sick inside, but don't know how to slow down, or change it.. hopefully things will clarify this month. its all i ever wanted- august to be over. and its been fine.. just not wonderful. i'm going to stop beating myself up for a while and start getting really into vitamins or something.. this week is going to be busy for me.. what else is new... i'm going to the bahamas next month. that should be something to look forward to. so we just found out when the commercial we appeared in for intel pentium chips begins airing worldwide, although we whole-heartedly endorse macintosh... its sunday sept 22nd during the emmy awards on nbc and then to follow in 20+ global markets. it will run on prime-time network shows, cable, sports, late night and syndicated programming, and online ads will run on cnet and other tech geek enthusiast sites... thats all i know. so look for us being jackasses on television sets around the globe starting next week. we're the "indie band" in the spot, shooting photographs of ourselves after we fucked up a song or something. we're still not positive of the story line, but i guess we'll understand it when we see it. photographs of the commercial shoot will be posted on our bands web site this week.. funny shit. don't ask us how we got the part. just know that we had it coming. for more info on this commercial thing: adage.com where's my tea? current mood: sleepy found my home now, i'm back to drifting. i'm still in love with someone i can't have. sometimes music comes to me. anyway, i've spent the evening working, writing, thinking.. now i'm in the thinking stage. wondering how it came to this. wondering if i'm really happy with everything... i think i'm just fucking bored and need something spicy to happen and soon. where is divine intervention when i need it? i'm holding out for something, someone. i am one of the good ones, and i think its time to keep moving. i'm going to get back to playing guitar and spacing out.. can't stop the music in me. i realized tonight after my brother brought it up, that i really hate going to bed.. its the absolute worst thing i can think of - i always stay up forever thinking i'm going to get more shit done, solve something, definitely not miss a thing.. i get enough sleep- my bed is wonderful, i just find myself lying in it lately waiting for the future to happen. every single day is so full i never see the endpoint until i've reached it. smaller goals have been achieved and now i'm really waiting to see what happens.. i definitely think i'm getting out of the united states in the next couple years.. move back to japan and throw myself back into that scene. i need something drastic. this life's fantastic, its never the same thing every day. but the lifestyle is getting to me. i need to get up earlier and go to bed earlier. but i find it harder and harder to go to sleep when i am anxious for moving on. i'm anxious to move on. i'm anxious. anyway, i have this great black cherry candle that is rockin and making me think about black cherry wishniack soda by franks of philadelphia.. that shit used to explode no matter how carefully you handled it.. sub standard pressurizing/carbonating equipment i guess. warm cans of black cherry soda sitting around all summer isn't a good thing to open near your computer. noted. in a way i wish i'd never known it. current mood: creative i have been sitting inside all day, in front of the computer, looking out the window, at the rain... high fidelity is on the tv in the background and i'm still sitting here trying to finish everything i started before the season premier of the sopranos tonight.. for some dumb ass reason the people at fox thought we'd rather see some shitty movie than the simpsons .. what the fuck are they thinking? anyway, i just put on my flip flops and jumped outside to walk blocks away to retrieve some ingredients for some pasta i'm making this evening.. as soon as i'm done with this. just lit the candles, its really chill in here.. and i'm just trying to relax my cortex a bit before my heavy week ahead of me. i have like 3 pressing things i need to complete right away.. like by tuesday.. and one of them i've just almost completed- its a cd for my label, sound gizmo and i've been putting it off for too long. i always do that- put my stuff last, since by the time i can get to it it's usually awesome outside or i'm beat to shit - one way or another i don't want to be on a computer. so i have the time to do this tonight, since last night i kept it super chill and stayed inside to write music and space out on my couch. there's enough time in the middle of the night for this kinda shit, and i finally went to sleep around 3:30 or 4am last night. slept great, although my eyes still feel like they're falling out and my allergies are getting the best of me.. feels like i could and might get sick at any moment.. but i'm fending it off- hearty dinner, some vitamins, and some hoegaarden white.. yummy stuff. umm.. i hooked myself up with some candy today too.. i don't think i treat myself right to some heath bars and shit i really love. i deserve it.. i think! i have rehearsal tomorrow and wednesday, and i'm always thinking ahead to how my weeks going to be, but today i'm trying to not think about it. just getting this done and i'm going to watch charmed and make some pasta and then we got some other television programs that aren't going to watch themselves, namely adult swim on cartoon network (word up to home movies) and then who knows.. more spacing out? the commercial my band killit™ appeared in is supposed to begin airing today.. so if you see me acting like a jackass don't laugh.. know that this is only the beginning .. of embarrassment.. haha. its only going to get worse. whatever- we had fun and its paying off my student loans and thats all i give a shit about. i'll act like a douchebag for that. anyway, i think i'm digging the rain today.. i bopped around outside for about an hour collecting all the ingredients.. and i have some french bread.. mmmm.. you coming over? current mood: rainy but not complainy you seem like a distant memory but it stings like a brand new cut. i spent my saturday night playing guitar.. and wrote a new lovely sad song.. and its too complicated, just like everything else. its supposed to rain all day tomorrow. i hope it does, i won't mind at all. current mood: sad songs say so much i look forward and see myself looking back. current mood: waiting for something to happen if you were here you'd be home by now.. i'd smile up close to your face and make your eyes feel bright. so come over and we'll go on a walk through the slope. its such nice walking weather .. clarks and sweaters.. kicking up the sidewalk feeling the wind on the back of our necks, giving us goosebumps, watching the leaves blow in the wind and the branches bend in the middle of the night.. as we step on acorns, sharing a walkman .. with a splitter.. current mood: silent according to the village voice horoscopes: AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): yeah, but what is the answer to my dreams, and is there ever perfection of desire? i have had another long day, and i'm not done yet.. still have about 2 more things to design, and then i'm waiting to finish everything else tomorrow. i work too hard.. so yes, i'd appreciate if my dreams (or any single one of them) would come true soon. i can't wait to be excited. not that my life isn't already jam packed with excitement, or is it just jam packed with activity? either way i wake up every day and do everything with immense furvor. and flavor. current mood: i want more i'm feeling a bit fuzzy around the edges.. its 68º today. yes... i'm going skating after i finish my work.. whenever that is.. soon.. i'm hungee. email me some toast. watch out i'm impassioned. earlier, my brother and i sat on my couch and watched the live coverage from ground zero.. it seemed like it was a world away, but it was only a couple miles from my apartment. i was happy to see that the president wasn't acting like a robot and actually paid attention to everyone there that really needed to see that kind of leader in person. he took the time to embrace those that needed some love, and even planted some kisses on some many deserving widdows. it was touching, really. and i was glad that i witnessed it.. it made me almost feel a sense of relief that so many people were getting a sense of its time to move on with a simple witness to the power of democracy and american liberty.. i'm not a nationalist, but shit- its fucking cool when everyone feels unbroken and the entire world is on "our" side. ok.. so i'm glad that i was born here.. i wish we had socialized medicine, though. so today was a long one.. i had some crazy dreams last night.. dreams about dreaming, and sleeping.. which is fucked up when you consider that dreaming about resting is ridiculous. i had a dream that i was switching from bed to bed, when i knew that every single bed i got into, in this disgusting house that i happened to be crashing at, was exactly the same bed as i happened to be in.. and with the 300 thread count egyptian cotton polo sheets. just not the right color. navy, baby. so. .. i woke up (or so i thought) and i was like "i can't see!! what the fuck?" and i really couldn't see.. and then the blanket came off my eyes and the sun shined on my face and i was like "duhhhh" .. and i can't tell you right now if i happened to be dreaming at the time or if i were wide awake. its one of those things. either way, i woke up and realized what day it was... and made the mistake of watching the news first thing (just to check the weather).. it put me down, big time.. i didn't realize how much i was affected and so on until i realized what a huge city i've been living in for the past almost seven years .. its the capital of the world, really.. so many cultures and so much tolerance and leadership shown in these parts.. its amazing really. i have been a witness to the most unbelievable events of our lifetime. and i'll always be thankful for my time here. anyway, i'm happy i got a chance to rock the much needed guitar (i played my untouched paul reed smith custom tonight, for a different sound for once, and it really really sounded great.. so i'm going to use both my telecaster and the prs from now on.. different guitars for different tunes.. we've been working so hard lately, i think we'll have an album done before spring. i can't wait to gig out- its imminent.. i am percolating, bubbling beneath the surface. and so i explode current mood: right here please sign this petition. its important to defend human rights around the world. this is a heinous situation for a woman to be stoned to death for having a child out of wedlock, and in a country that claims itself a democracy. i'm off to band practice.. we're going to rock for those who can't. i turned on the news and wish i hadn't.. its been a rough one all around and i think its important to remember to be humble and loving and to most importantly be a person for others. and to rock fucking hard. every single day. pray for peace. current mood: pensive when it aint hip, i abandon ship... stay gold! the telephone just rang.. i wonder who's calling me at 12:50 in the morning. probably someone i'm doing work for, expecting to speak to me so late. if they only knew how hard i work and how much i put into everything i do.. i should somehow add a grief tax for all the crap i put up with. yes, it's almost 1am and that means i've been at it since 11am.. and i still have some more things to do, but i don't feel like doing them.. i was hoping i could get everything done if i put all my energy into it, but it didn't happen.. i still have one more thing to do and its going to have to wait until tomorrow. i can't sit in front of this box any longer.. i even took a break and cleaned my whole house, dusted and swiffered and vacuumed and all that, and its now perfect.. and my sheets are all brand new and clean and wonderful.. but i can't seem to rest after working for 14 hours straight.. it's a process to wind down.. so i'm just flipping through the pages of the book i'm currently reading and hopefully my eyes will begin to cross and i'll stop thinking about everything i need to accomplish.. and everything this week is taking out of me. i can't watch the tv tomorrow- its going to be too much to deal with. a year ago everything got flipped upside down and i have to hang onto something to keep from falling off the earth. so i was hoping to rock the clean sheets until late in the day, with my eyes just under the sheets.. hiding from the sunlight. its supposed to be very windy during the day.. could it be the rush of souls running towards us for a kiss hello and goodbye...? or just this tropical storm starting shit with the coastline. sometimes i think i know too much, and sometimes i wish i knew more. some kind of instrinsic knowledge.. i think i already have it, just don't want to admit it. i'm a karmic sponge it feels.. i find that i take on alot of the worries of everyone. maybe being part of the general midset of concern will affect change in some way.. or at least allow for god to pay attention for a little while. are you with me on this? these pages aren't going to appreciate themselves. and the bed, oh it is calling out to me. i wish i were one of those people that can actually sleep and not feel like they're missing something.. this is prime time, baby. and i'm wide awake. current mood: a little of everything, please Baby Come Back spending all my nights, baby come back, any kind of fool could see all day long, wearing a mask of false bravado now that i put it all together whatever happens in this life, know i thought the world of you. anxiously joel the candles burnt at both ends. goodnight. so... bring it on. i kid myself i look real smooth.. current mood: wonderful Is She Really Going Out With Him? pretty women out walking with gorillas down my street is she really going out with him? tonight's the night when I go to all the parties down my street is she really going out with him? but if looks could kill is she really going out with him? i'm going to go read my book and visualize being rad.. and the logical steps to take in order to reach my goal. you can apply self help to anything, especially getting, and maintaing rad (or radness). i think its almost bed time. sundays are meant for staying up late, somehow. monday morning, monday morning couldn't guarantee.. its going to be gorgeous today. skip outside and grab someones hand. current mood: stoned, thrown that monday evening you would still be here with me. she's my ex. i can't cross her from my memory current mood: scary sad yeah, so wish me luck.. i have an audition for a commercial today.. i guess the only thing i can do is go in there and be myself and charm the shit out of them. yeah. its 12:25 sunday night and i'm still working. go figure. happy day. why do all the good movies have to come on when i'm running out the door.. like fast times? current mood: gotta go sing my little heart out Somebody's Baby well just a look at that girl with that light comin' up in her eyes she's probably somebody's only light i heard her talking to a friend when she thought nobody else was around she's probably somebody's only light i gotta shut my eyes but i can't get her out of my sight i say she must be somebody's baby she's probably somebody's only light ok.. i thought i would actually pass out today, but once i got home from a round trip to jason's house to pick up some things and do this and that i came back here and just had a marathon session of creative stuff going on. i managed to get a shitload of stuff out of the way that i've been meaning to do.. and all of this after a near collapse early. i wonder where i get this sudden inspiration to program and nerd out for hours at a time. . anyway here's the project. you look for yourself: jamiemyerson.com .. obviously i'm still working on it, but not bad for building it out from jack shit. so, why can't i get motivated to switch all my personal projects over .. hmm. i think that might come sooner than later. i have things due monday - big time, like 2 other projects suddenly dumped in my lap.. and i have that audition for that commercial on monday at 2:15.. so i'm going to be a little hectic tomorrow. i think i'm going to bring my laptop to the studio so in between cutting vocals i can do some very needed work that i should've done tonight but wasn't into doing.. so i spent hours doing something else that had no real deadline. whatever.. its how my mind works. now i think i might actually be tired enough to go lie down.. i want to read, but i don't feel like going blind. we're recording around 1ish, so i should probably try and sleep some- i got like 4 hours last night.. complete bullshit. 7am i finally fall asleep and then the sun just keeps me up.. i don't know how people can sleep all day. blackout curtains? this winter, i'm going to have to do something to keep my head up.. the dim of that season makes my brain a little dull and morose. so i am planning on pulling this trip to the bahamas out as a little incentive for myself to make it to thanksgiving without losing it. yeah. i think i'm going to go to myrtle beach with my folks the second week in october, to get some last remnants of some kind of great weather and a little beach time.. maybe i'll golf.. or take a ride around in a golf cart at least. ok.. i'm starting to zone out. i gotta sing in the morning. la la la la la.. and so it goes. friday nights and 15 hour days.. current mood: sleepy? 3rd wind... yeah so last night completely sucked.. an experiment in sleepless agony. i rolled around from one side of the world to the other and back. its frustrating to have such a wonderful bed and to not be able to engage it in any way.. i watched the sun come up and finally fell asleep around 7am.. needless to say i'm a spaced out, anxiety ridden, overworked fatigued mess today.. and i'm in need of sugar .. i'm staying in tonight by special request of my brain.. i can't afford to get sick right now at such a critical point in my life. too much to do and my mechanisms haven't been operating at peak levels lately as it is. i need some rest.. tomorrow we're finishing the vocals on our killit record and i want to be well into it and slightly rejuvenated for that.. i need to sing and with some sort of level of enthusiasm.. on a better note, i managed to take a walk despite my exhaustion and its absolutely lovely outside. sunny and 70ish.. and the local deli has just started carrying hoegaarden, quite possibly one of my favorite all time beverages. so with that i'm going to go lie on the couch and do what i needed to do last night. slip out of consciousness. current mood: sleepy 4:30amish.. i've been lying in bed looking at the ceiling for 2 hours.. so i got up to say what the fuck. and to have some tea. current mood: too much on my mind i just finished.. don't drink red bull and vodka if you have anything to do for a while.. its 2:15 and the red bull party at armani exchange in soho was fun fun fun.. really impressive set up for this event.. and of course all the bubblegum flavored red bull hypertonic you could swallow .. ming+fs were great - live instruments, samplers, 4 turntables.. wicked. but reality called, and so i had to split and get back to work. and here i am.. just finished up with a client of mine in japan (its 3pm there right now.. they need this shit badly on friday afternoons apparently) so i had to complete everything this evening.. anyway, i'm done. got up this morning expecting a long day.. and its been a long one. i'm looking forward to looking into my eye pillow and sighing myself to sleep. tomorrow's friday .. it's going to be lovely.. 77 and sunny. i think i'll go skate when i'm done with work, whenever that is.. current mood: sleepy, but unable to do the deed KungFushi: hey cho baby yeah, so i got another audition. crazy.. i was literally just talking about how much fun it was to do that intel commercial and how it would be neat to check this out as something to do for fun and shit.. its not like hard or anything.. i think this is a sign that i should pursue this as another noble endeavor. or at least its going to make a fuckin' interesting chapter in my autobiography someday. my 1 year run in the tv commercial biz.. anyway, i wonder if i get the part -- do i get to live the miller high life? i'll have to method act.. get into character by showing up, having had 18 millers before the audition... drunk as shit.. i wonder what i would have to do? sit around, looking like i'm having fun and shit.. i wonder if i have to say a line, like "man, thats a good band.. they rock.." or something lame like that.. or just shoot pool with some ladies and non threating white guys.. hmmm.. we'll wait and see. keep your fingers crossed. i'm sick of working so hard. doing this television commercial shit seems a hell of alot more in line with my personality and general dislike of doing anything arduous. yeah. i'm still at war with my insides. "That's Not Me" The Beach Boys - 1966. first emo band ever. i had to prove that i could make it alone i could try to be big in the eyes of the world i'm a little bit scared i went through all kinds of changes i once had a dream i once had a dream i once had a dream one more truth for ya....god may have created the content of ones life but the devil is in control of it's timing. AQUARIUS: If you commit to conducting a thorough review of your alternatives for advancing your artistic efforts, promoting your passions or following your bliss, you are likely to ferret out some useful and informative data. And if you commit to implementing your discoveries, you are likely to find yourself having the time of your life. oh fuck yes. i am, have and will. its so lovely outside, it was a challenge coming back in.. to sit here, doing paperwork, fixing artwork on some new records and trying to grapple with the pickle matrix. i just got back from a nice short walk, and bought some of that lovely new neutrogena shaving cream- do yourself a favor and pick some up. its amazing. anyway, enough of product endorsement. i had another late night, but not that late.. i got home from a wonderfully productive rehearsal, my ears ringing with the new tune that we just finished.. its called "play hooky" because it has so many rock hooks in it- like stadium kinda shit. its super catchy, needless to say. so that was fun, i managed to come in thinking i was exhausted around midnight and there was a super cute girl at the door. apparently she's moving in/moving out, either way she's cute and i was like "whats up" and she was like "hey..." and we exchanged nervous glances as i skipped up the stairs into the den of iniquity. i tried to chill out, but i think i was too excited from practice and new perspectives that i was rather restless. i tried to go to bed around 1, but ended up lying in bed till around 3.. i woke up at 3:50 and blew out my virgen de guadalupe candle that is on my nightstand and fell back to sleep. . had strange dreams, of course, one involving belinda carlisle (before all the work and exercise) that wasn't an awarding winning story line at all. i woke up alot, but felt amazingly rested when i woke up around 6:40 but decided to go back to sleep until 10. i figured out my favorite way to sleep now. its on my right side, huggging a huge pillow resting the inside of my left leg on the top of it and squeezing the shit out of the rest of it. i keep my head on another pillow or nothing at all. i kept returning to this position and in all different places in the bed.. i have about 49 square feet (no shit) of bed space so its fuckin' perfect for tortured dreams and rolling around dramatically. so, it was also one of those nights that i couldn't get music out of my head.. but at least it was one of our tunes, so it only serves to make it better, i guess... i already added 5 other imaginary instruments on top of it.. i need to remember now.. hmm.. so yeah, i've managed to kill my ficus. i don't know how the fuck it survived for months at home depot, and the moment i bring it home he begins to wilt.. my violet isn't doing so great either.. but the ivy's hanging on .. (haha) .. yeah, umm .. so you could say i don't have a very big talent for raising flora. even the low light plants hate me. whats up with that? so.. i want to go back outside.. i am loving this weather- 80ish, sunny and not a cloud in the sky. perfect day for zim-zam or badminton or some other challenging vanity raquet sport. i have handball sneakers.. maybe i should go down the street and call some kids out? like "next game mothafucka" .. "next game".. i'll make friends for sure. anyway, just got up to have a bite of a bagel.. mmm.. new york ny. tonight i'm going to see ming+fs dj at armani xchange for redbullvinylab .. that should be interesting. redbull and mixers (which always makes jason sick).. i always like seeing people perform in odd places- saw josh wink at armani uptown like 4 years ago and that was fun, so i'm figuring this one'll be worth checking out. i wish it were somewhere that i liked though, like hugo boss or something. like i'm rocking armani shit. maybe some socks. anyway, i gotta shave and get a move on with my day. its 2:40 pm.. where's the day go? i have a million things to finish before 9. wish me well, and i'll do the same for you. current mood: unbroken Over the Hills and Far Away hey lady- you got the love i need many have i loved many times i've lied many dreams come true mellow is the man many is a word i'm enjoying a certain amount of sudden satisfaction, yawning into the darkness of my very own room. i missed my bed, and didn't realize how comforting it is to be here until i walked in the door and saw my plants and my computers, switched off, waiting for some love. and well, i'm back and ready to abuse them, since the g3 laptop got a hell of a work out this week. i am sitting here, candles lit around me in the coziness of my room, pondering how shitty my week was, and glad that i have rehearsal/play time tomorrow-- and that is some recreation worth looking forward to. i'm actually tired.. i woke up this morning, and realized that after 8 days of living on venus, the clouds parted and it was a lovely 85º out.. so we went to the beach.. got some last minute rays in before splitting to the airport.. it was just what i needed.. a healthy hue to get my seratonin levels back on track and a little life in my cheeks before the bite of the coming chill. i sat on the beach, kicking sand around and listening to tunes .. it was my last beach day, so i had to jump in the water, and it was lovely, let me tell you. just perfect. anyway, we had the whole beach to ourselves, considering it was like 11:30am and it was a tuesday.. so it was rather odd having that much space, but i thoroughly enjoyed it. had a nice lunch, and thinking ahead i was thankful that i had packed the night before.. so we had plenty of time and didn't feel crazy rushed as i usually do.. drove up to the airport and sat around waiting forever as usual.. got off the ground around 5:30 and landed at 6:20pm.. up and down, just the way i like it. i read about 45 pages in my book on the plane, and when we finally got in i was so tired it was a struggle getting in a taxi and sitting there for the half hour ride back to brooklyn. the air on my face was definitely new york. and i welcomed it this time as i haven't before.. the sunset was gorgeous and i knew i was home. i came into my house and immediately i put all my shit away so i don't have to deal with that, and i ordered some sushi (avocado rolls) and some yaki udon.. so i'm pretty much in a food coma, attempting to clean up and somewhat organize my computer so i can get heavy into the routine tomorrow. what a short week.. i hope i can fit everything in. i will just have to take it as it comes.. and i'm looking forward to the weekend already. its cooling off noticeably and pretty soon my favorite season will be here.. and thats worth being here for. the park in the autumn is amazing.. i need a new scarf. and someone to hold my hand.. last fall was a lonely one. i have all these thoughts and more. i guess i'll go read until my brain shuts itself off.. i've already tidied up my crib so much, and it didn't really need anything.. except i need a new rug in my living room. thats imminent. right now my bed needs some attention. happy september to you. blink and it'll be october. current mood: glad to be here, away from there In Between Days yesterday i got so old so i had a couple good times.. happy labor day. still rainy and grey and chilly here today. tomorrow, of course, the day i'm leaving its going to be sunny. i haven't been to the beach once.. its as if nature was conspiring against me all week long.. making sure i stay inside and miserable. i've broken through the gloom and found time to hang out a little and chill no matter what. i went out last night, driving around, hitting some bars, meeting new people, having a good time. it was a nice change of pace.. and today i decided to stay in bed late and got up around 3pm or something. i needed to desparately catch up on some sleep before i get home and have to stay up for 17 hours a day trying to make everything happen. at least i'm not lazy right? just a little hazy. the guys spent the last two days finishing the vocal tracks for our killit™ ep and i'm excited to hear how they came out, as we cut some preliminary vocals a couple weeks ago to see if any ideas came out of that.. apparently there were some, so pat, nick and matt have been in the studio the past 2 days making the updates and recutting alot of the vocals. i have my session on saturday, for backups and what not. so i'm going to keep my voice loose all week.. i'm so looking forward to getting back to work on our album and continuing the writing and rehearsals. we're practicing wednesday night.. i'm glad this is a short week, so hopefully i can sneak through it with little or no hassle. i know tomorrow night when after i land in queens and make it home to brooklyn, i'm going to roll in, clean the shit out of my place and go to sleep.. wednesday is going to be anything but forgiving. trying to make some deadlines that seem a little out of reach at this point. i think i'll feel better once i get in my element and start again. either way i'm anxious to get on with everything. so yeah, spent some time in the hot tub today.. that was chill- my back is killing me.. i need a massage badly, and i think i'll hook myself up on friday or something. i need a real vacation, with sunlight and no computers and maybe so palm trees.. as of tomorrow i've earned enough travel miles on this little airline i fly back and forth between ny and va, and they fly to the bahamas.. so thats an option. i think i'll go sit in a hotel and write a novel in a week.. it won't be very good, but it'll be something. i need to write whatever comes to mind and edit for content later, and then piece it together somehow. that's how i'd go about it at least.. i haven't had a chance to read at all down here.. except some various pages in my mark twain books, nothing heavy. jason bought the simpsons season two dvd, with 22 episodes to keep me busy.. i think i'll go lie down and see how many hours of the simpsons it takes before i space out and fall asleep.. i doubt it will happen. i need to go do something.. i'm starting to think! if you're bored, you're probably boring too current mood: unabashed i connect the dots and fill in the blanks.. i'm coming home tomorrow. start fresh and start as you mean to go on.. i'm going shopping. i'm not missing august at all. thanks.. the sun came out today, if only for a moment, it felt like a long lost friend. i forget how gloomy i get in the winter... so i need something to cuddle with by then. a new panda bear for instance. my house should be lush with green foliage by then (i've already ammased quite an army of new plants, with more to come) and i will have my living room completed finally (new carpet, new media center) and hopefully all will be well in my life again. this age of turmoil is over and i need to get my heart back in my chest and quit feeling so regretful about every little mistake i made. this year over all has been an amazing one for me, and it can only get better, knowing what i now know about myself and others. every day is to start anew and i always seem to learn more about myself, my reason in life and why everything is so transitory. no morality story, just some filters for how to read and write my own tale. all summer in a day. current mood: less is more no sense at all, these circumstances can't trust myself we walked alone never thought- i'd recognize we walked alone second thought- truth recognized
no baby please don't go
if you leave me now, you'll take away the very heart of me
no baby please don't go
how could we let it slip away
we've come too far to leave it all behind
how could we end it all this way
when tomorrow comes we'll both regret
things we said today .: words: Joel T. 9/17/2002 07:22:52 PM
.: words: Joel T. 9/17/2002 02:28:21 AM
current music: supergrass.: words: Joel T. 9/16/2002 06:01:35 PM
current music: the promise ring- 30º everywhere.: words: Joel T. 9/16/2002 01:13:59 PM
i miss the feeling she gave me of belonging.
if i was only going to lose it,
in a way i wish i'd never known it.
but now it's someone i once had.
current music: trembling blue stars.: words: Joel T. 9/16/2002 12:27:08 AM
current music: television.: words: Joel T. 9/15/2002 06:49:29 PM
current music: estoy tocando la guitara.: words: Joel T. 9/15/2002 02:48:08 AM
current music: vanessa daou- zipless (words: erica jong).: words: Joel T. 9/13/2002 02:43:01 AM
current music: half of something (you know its good).: words: Joel T. 9/13/2002 01:21:42 AM
i received one of the greatest toasts I've ever been honored to hear: "May you get what you want and still want it." Now, Aquarius, I relay this toast to you—just in time for your Season of Gratified Desire, when you're more likely to get what you want than at any other time this year. I wish and pray and predict that you will soon be endowed with the answer to your dreams, and will be more excited than ever before as you bask in the afterglow.
current music: the stone roses.: words: Joel T. 9/12/2002 07:51:59 PM
.: words: Joel T. 9/12/2002 12:58:53 PM
wow.. what a day.. what a night. i just got in, it's 2am and i'm feeling pretty groovy. i had band practice for 3 hours in honor of those who no longer are with us and can no longer rock .. it was inspiring, and we wrote 2.5 songs tonight and finished another one.. jason, my brother, who does a&r as a profession heard one of our new tunes and said "its so memorable.. thats your first hit".. and i'm feeling pretty good about that one.. we've gotten really really tight and the new record is going to be alot easier than the last one.. cause we finally know what our style is, and what direction its moving in.. oh.. my lentil soup is ready.. indian food is always better when its reheated, i think. so we practiced for 3 hours, and then went to the hip hop party i have spoken about before at black betty.. really really great- the dj is fucking smooth as shit and everyone there is cool as hell. we had like 5 or 6 drinks and then the bartender insisted on buying us another round, considering we had already spent over 150 bucks.. so why not . . anyway, we're all in a state that normally wouldn't be tolerable for a wednesday night, but shit.. its been a fucked up day all around.
current music: lipps, inc. - funkytown 1979.: words: Joel T. 9/12/2002 02:11:17 AM
current music: sade- lovers rock.: words: Joel T. 9/11/2002 05:49:06 PM
.: words: Joel T. 9/11/2002 01:35:22 AM
current music: player
all my money going out on the town
doing anything just to get you off of my mind
but when the morning comes,
i'm right back where I started again
trying to forget you is just a waste of time
there was something in everything about you
baby come back, you can blame it all on me
i was wrong, and i just can't live without you
trying to keep up the smile that hides a tear
but as the sun goes down, i get that empty feeling again
how i wish to God that you were here
give me the chance to make you see
have you used up all the love in your heart
nothing left for me, ain't there nothing left for me.: words: Joel T. 9/11/2002 12:55:05 AM
.: words: Joel T. 9/11/2002 12:02:34 AM
.: words: Joel T. 9/10/2002 03:49:34 AM
how ever you want it.
when ever you want it.
for as long as you want it.
yes.
the audition was fun today.. went in and played guitar for a girl and a camera.. i was like "i'm joel t. jordan and i play guitar in a band called killit" and then went for it.. i was really into it and had fun.. so thats important. anyway, i have had a full full day.. got up, had to run to williamsburg to grab my guitar super quickly and then ran to the city for the audition.. i was literally in and out of that place in 15 minutes.. makes me nervous being around all the actor types- they're all so not my type. its going to be interesting wading through this industry.. we'll see what happens. so far its been fun, but i haven't really had to do anything besides standing around and trying to look cool with a guitar.. when do they want me to speak? i'm going to meet with some agencies to get an agent and take this shit seriously. i like doing everything i do with full gusto or not at all.. whats the point in wasting time. if its going to make for some great writing some day. my experiences in an industry where its all about how you look and hold yourself. and me with the confidence levels swinging dramatically lately. i'm floating through my own self doubt, but i am reminded constantly by my friends how great life is and how much shit we rock and how well its done. so thanks for reminding me. i can't get this joe jackson tune out of my head.. anyway, today was lovely and i wore jeans.. amazing- i never wear them cause i'm convinced that they're not comfortable, but i pulled a pair of dirty old diesels on and they were soooo comfy.. just not the ideal thing to wear in the 90 degree weather.. and i rocked a grey and burgandy and tan plaid ben sherman short sleeve button down. it was snazzy.. and my old dirty dirty rod lavers. i had to look like a dirtball rocker.. which i guess i am. yeah, so i had to get out of there right afterwards- did the thing, felt good about it and walked out knowing i had way more shit to handle that day. after that thing i went to rykodisc to drop off our new record and its finished artwork to the production manager there, and then went to a meeting downtown at this producers house. i had no idea what to expect, and we ended up talking for 2 hours at least about music, the music industry, musicians, producers, and more music. we know alot of the same people and he's really a great guy. aside from huge artists he's worked with, he's been busy producing some amazing electronic music (from downtempo to drum n bass to house and even some dance floor anthems) based on these archival recordings he did of these tibetan monks that came over and recorded with him a year ago. this was a project of his - to incorporate traditional buddhist mantras in with a format that would be more comestible today. either way, it sounds great and is devotional dance music.. really neat... so jason, nick and i are going to have dinner with him on friday and listen to music and chill. this guy had a good vibe and was really really interesting .. and his house was absolutely amazing- in the west village, and it was so european in design with an open back porch, and had a really great coziness to it.. it was decorated all eastern and had a shitload of guitars and vintage amps and and his studio gear was just amazing as well.. i lost a few hours over there for sure.. then i went and got take out at vegetarians paradise 2 and hopped on the train to brooklyn.. spaced out on the L train, walked to the space, got to rehearsal early and ate a bit.. glad i did because that was the first thing i had all day and it was 6:30 by then.. eek! we ended up working on two new tunes tonight, as we're jumping on writing an album as quickly as possible, and trying to get our set together so we can start gigging out in november. its been a year that we've been together (as of last week) and we've been taking our time you can say.. but in the meantime, we've managed to be in a commercial, make and finish a record and have alot of fun nights with it so far. we'll see what happens after we start playing out. that'll bring a whole new facet to my life and one i've been looking forward to, as my public performances in the past 5 years have strictly been dj gigs. i haven't played a live show since huxtor, germany in 1996 with rain still falls (the band i used to sing/play guitar in) .. anyway, so i'm looking forward to rocking out and giving it all i got with my best friends. it's going to be cool. anyway, i have so much to do as usual and this week is no exception. i'm going to work extra hard tomorrow trying to get another record design done, and 3 flyers as i just got hired by these cats and i'm working for the roxy now (the club from beat street!) and its a great gig.. they're letting me do my thing like i used to at twilo for 3 years, so hopefully this'll turn into something steady, as i don't have any clients in nyc for club stuff right now and i like keeping my artwork out there. i do pieces here and there for various promoters, but nothing steady that i can put my head into a little more. the only monthly gig i'm still currently doing (after a year) is session at the womb tokyo, and that keeps me busy enough. its cool having the biggest club in tokyo love what you do. i'm happy about it.. can't wait to go back to japan for a visit and get loud with the peeps in tokyo. its been too long. it just takes forever to get there and being on a plane for 20 hours isn't my idea of fun these days.. i would need some crazy sedatives and would have to be in first class no doubt about it. coach is not for this kid on anything longer than 5 hours. anyway, i'm going to stay in bed on wednesday, until i have rehearsal in the evening. we're going to rock for those who can't... i'm not looking forward to the one year anniversary of the horror show, and i hope everything and everyone is safe and blessed that day. and today as well. i have to get back to being more esoteric.
current music: joe jackson- look sharp
from my window i'm staring while my coffee grows cold
look over there! (where?)
there's a lady that i used to know
she's married now, or engaged, or something, so i am told
Is she really gonna take him home tonight?
Is she really going out with him?
'cause if my eyes don't deceive me,
there's something going wrong around here
i wash my hair and i kid myself i look real smooth
look over there! (where?)
here comes jeanie with her new boyfriend
they say that looks don't count for much
if so, there goes your proof
is she really gonna take him home tonight?
is she really going out with him?
cause if my eyes don't deceive me,
there's something going wrong around here
there's a man there who's marked down as dead
cause i've had my fill
listen you, take your hands off her head
i get so mean around this scene
is she really gonna take him home tonight?
is she really going out with him?
'cause if my eyes don't deceive me
there's something going wrong around here.: words: Joel T. 9/10/2002 01:22:55 AM
current music: mojave 3- excuses for travellers.: words: Joel T. 9/9/2002 03:19:53 AM
she meant everything to me she meant every word she said
when she said, "i'll never love again. be my ex until the end."
and i know i'll never feel that way again
she's just my ex
she's my ex. she marks the spot where I'm the weakest one
i can't expect she'll change her ways; can't accept the things she's done
she's just my ex. nothing more nothing less but she'll always be my ex
she's my ex. don't cross her path she still belongs to me
she'll be my ex till i say when
till I get her back again
'cause i know i'll never love again
never need another friend
and I know I'll never feel this way again
she's my ex. she'll cross my mind a thousand times today
still have a million things to say, guess i'm better off this way
cause i know she'll never love again.
she'll be my ex until the end
and i know i'll never feel this way again
she's just my ex. nothing more nothing less but she's still my ex
and i could never kiss that face goodbye
but i could never stop to wonder why
she looks so pretty, she looks so pretty
and i know i'll never feel this way again
she's just my ex ..
current music: all- she's my ex.: words: Joel T. 9/9/2002 12:22:26 AM
current music: jackson browne/phantom planet
i say she must be somebody's baby
i say she must be somebody's baby
well all the guys on the corner stand back and let her walk on by
i say she must be somebody's baby
i say she's got to be somebody's baby
i say she must be somebody's baby
cause she's all right
gonna shine tonight
yeah
she's probably somebody's baby all right
i say she must be somebody's baby
i say she's got to be somebody's baby
well all the cars and the signs and the streetlights light up the town
yeah
i say she must be somebody's baby
i say she's got to be somebody's baby
i say she must be somebody's baby
cause she's all right
gonna shine tonight
yeah
she's probably somebody's baby all right
yeah
i know i'm gonna know her but i gotta get over my fright
well i'm just gonna walk up to her
i'm gonna talk to her tonight
tonight...
i say she's got to be somebody's baby
i say she must be somebody's baby
cause she's all right
gonna shine tonight
yeah
she's probably somebody's baby all right.: words: Joel T. 9/7/2002 12:06:46 PM
current music: slowdive- just for a day.: words: Joel T. 9/7/2002 02:57:11 AM
current music: hope sandoval.: words: Joel T. 9/6/2002 05:15:42 PM
current music: it'll just keep me awake.: words: Joel T. 9/6/2002 04:27:40 AM
current music: ming+fs- subway series.: words: Joel T. 9/6/2002 02:15:25 AM
seemssobright: hi baby
KungFushi: ooooooo -
KungFushi: whatcha doin?
seemssobright: hey guess what? i got another audition
seemssobright: for a miller beer commercial. amazing how i'm making shit manifest.. i was just talking about this shit the other day- how fun it would be to pursue this.. and so it goes.. i have a meeting with an agent on monday
seemssobright: crazy...
seemssobright: they liked my hair or something.
KungFushi: hahahh - god for you honey
KungFushi: good too
seemssobright: yeah its silly.
seemssobright: god is for me
KungFushi: hahahha
KungFushi: yeah he is
seemssobright: he or she or it or us or whatever..
seemssobright: how are you
KungFushi: im chilling - somebody sent me flowers at work but i cant figure out who - i think it was my boss
KungFushi: which is creepy
KungFushi: hes been making a lot of spankin jokes lately
KungFushi: :-\
seemssobright: hmmmm.. you got my flowers....
seemssobright: the note must've fallen off
seemssobright: thats lame that your boss would try and take credit for that
KungFushi: hahahha.: words: Joel T. 9/5/2002 06:54:20 PM
let it load...
but that's not me
i wanted to show how independent i'd grown now
but that's not me
what matters to me is what i could be to just one girl
cause i haven't been home in a long time
you needed my love
and i know that i left at the wrong time
my folks when i wrote them
told 'em what i was up to said that's not me
took a look at myself and said that's not me
i miss my pad and the places i've known
and every night as i lay there alone i will dream
so i packed up and split for the city
i soon found out that my lonely life wasn't so pretty
i'm glad i went now i'm that much more sure that we're ready
so i packed up and split for the city
i soon found out that my lonely life wasn't so pretty
so i packed up and split for the city
i soon found out that my lonely life wasn't so pretty .: words: Joel T. 9/5/2002 05:44:13 PM
.: words: Joel T. 9/5/2002 04:52:13 PM
>>Thursday, September 5
Today's star rating: *** .: words: Joel T. 9/5/2002 04:08:37 PM
current music: led zeppelin- house of the holy
oh maybe-more than enough
oh darling darling walk a while with me
oh you've got so much
many times been bitten
many times i've gazed
along the open road
many times i've listened
many times i've wondered
how much there is to know
and some have silver linings
i live for my dream
and a pocketful of gold
who knows what he's been missing
many many men
can't see the open road
that only leaves you guessing
guessing 'bout a thing
you really ought to know
you really ought to know.: words: Joel T. 9/5/2002 02:36:31 PM
current music: the cure
i felt like i could die
yesterday i got so old
it made me want to cry
go on go on
just walk away
go on go on
your choice is made
go on go on
and disappear
go on go on
away from here
and i know i was wrong
when i said it was true
that it couldn't be me and be her
inbetween without you
without you
yesterday i got so scared
i shivered like a child
yesterday away from you
it froze me deep inside
come back come back
don't walk away
come back come back
come back today
come back come back
why can't you see
come back come back
come back to me
and i know i was wrong
when i said it was true
that it couldn't be me and be her
inbetween without you
without you.: words: Joel T. 9/4/2002 01:09:30 AM
current music: piebald- we are the only friends we have.: words: Joel T. 9/2/2002 08:59:45 PM
.: words: Joel T. 9/2/2002 06:55:09 PM
typical rainy day sunday fashion..
the quick tease of sunlight..
.: words: Joel T. 9/1/2002 03:20:22 PM
current music: killit- incline
what my headphones won't drown out
i'll close my eyes from seeing
from what i think
there's a danger in this step
we create our undertow
without you singing out
the words that are your own..
i can't climb this mountain
i can see a thousand miles
but i can't see you anywhere...
without you singing out
the words that are your own..
i can climb this mountain
i can see a thousand miles
and i can see you everywhere...: words: Joel T. 9/1/2002 02:53:02 PM
