2002
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2002 |
i just noticed the time.. where'd this day go? i missed the simpsons.. eek. so, umm.. happy last day of july. for some reason i've always had a thing for this date.. it seems lucky.. today's been long.. another late night last night (5am) and too much work to do. i'm a hard worker apparently.. i work it. yeah.. so its hot as shit out, i walked like 3 miles today to a meeting and back .. good excercise, and now i'm exhausted.. its too hot to do anything.. so i'm sitting here while i have a moment to breathe, typing this in the twilight.. i still haven't gotten around to switching the page over to the summer look.. which is now going to be the fall/winter cause of time and lack thereof. whatever.. oh yeah, i noticed the meter flipped over to 8000.. nearing that 10,000 mark which i wonder how long it will take.. why doesn't anyone sign my guestbook? thats what its there for. .. well, its not that important. no love.. sigh.. umm .. so i better get back to work before i forget what i was doing. thanks for the new nifty rod lavers (blue bottoms) jason! i love you!
current mood: tired.. work.. what..
current music: audiovent
ok.. well i'm going to lie down and sigh
and look at the ceiling.
and feel the good feeling
stayed awake much too late
so the reports were true.. its after midnight and the weather is still in the 90's.. this is gross. all hot and opressive, but i'm sitting comfortably in jason's home on his lovely persian pillows on the floor.. watching the tv and taking a moment to gather my thoughts.. i feel tossed and dragged around lately by alot of the things i've created.. namely deadlines, production schedules and rehearsal times.. i'm not used to so many constraints.. except seatbelts..
i can't wait until our recording is finished (next thursday) so we can have that behind us.. we're spending a week at the new jersey shore as a group, before recording so we can clear our stress and focus on the recording.. tonight we rehearsed for about 3 and half hours and it was super tight. i'm very pleased with how everything's been turning out, so i can't complain about progress. pat's having his wisdom teeth out tomorrow, so our drummer will be outta commision for a few days, but whatever.. maybe he needs to be smacked out and bed ridden for a few days.. i know i do .. haha. umm.. its really hot and i'm tired as usual.. getting on late in the evening.. best time to drive. i'm wishing i had a car to cruise around in.. i'd take full advantage of the freedom.
i love driving late at night, with the windows down and the stereo up.. and when its a tad dewy out its the best.. not the safest, but the best.. umm.. still have work to do.. just got here to jasons to grab some files off this here powerbook g3 and boogy back down to my crib to work on my g4, cause i have deadlines.. otherwise i'd work on this.. i guess, if i get too paralyzed as it gets later and later i can work on this machine.. yeah, maybe i'll do that and enjoy jasons a/c and bed for a night.. he's in l.a. taking care of bidness. so yeah, i'm here holding it down .. maybe his plants will get a drink in a moment. i have music on my mind and i'm having a hard time focusing on being creative visually right now.. maybe i'll take a walk .. with rock n roll.. play loud, listen louder.. summer is peaking.
ish i had no responsibilites and could enjoy the month of august walking around in kamakura, japan.. i've been thinking alot about solitude and tranquility and time to think, breathe and room to move. this city and all thats in it- its not really my style.. amazing people, things and situations, but theres too much to deal with sometimes and i long for the seashore. or the pebble strewn paths of a buddhist temple in the middle of nowhere. i want to learn zen cooking someday.. that would be lovely.. maybe someday in my later days.. after i write my crazy-ass memoirs "my time in new york city" or something like that.. (and i'm not changing anyone's names) .. so you're fucked. oh yeah, i got to ride the snazzy new L train today.. finally, i feel like i'm in the 21st century.. all shiny, automated and has this nifty device that tells you at which stop you are, what the next one is, and what the line looks like (and connecting trains).. the voice is automated too.. just like in buck rogers. and talk about a smooth ride.. i felt like i was .. well, not on a subway train. i enjoy spacing out on the train and listening to music and being in my own space and world while people are chattering away and thinking, reading, spacing out as well. so to all of you that are in that space sometime, i'm with ya. now i'm outta here. work to do... but, i'd rather be driving.
see you later. lets get the fuck outta here...
current mood: longing
current music: saves the day- can't slow down
almost 3am in the morning on sunday.. as usual.. had a nice time in front of the tv for a few and then a really bad conversation and then had a ton of work to do and am still at it.. its supposed to be around 100 something today, which i am going to ignore entirely by not opening a single window in this motherfucker. its going to remain humidity free if i can help it. what little help my joke ass a/c provides will be enough if i stay put.. its not like i have a choice either.. i have 3 projects due today (monday) and then i have to actually work on my own shit i keep putting off. and then i have rehearsal at 7.. and then back to work.. so you see, my schedule is really full.. and hopefully i'll not have to kill myself trying to be creative for money... its only fun once in a while. i'm starting to get burnt a bit again. and need to focus on something else for a while.. music obviously is the only alternative and i'm glad that at this point i have a band again to get it out through. before i lost my way with my design enthusiasm and just kinda fucked around for a while but didn't really channel anything into a positive outlet.. so i played some guitar today. tons of guitar actually.. and matt came over, after i walked up to jasons house and then skated (all soul-skater style, weaving in and out and shit) down the slope back to my crib.. we worked on some lyrics/melodies to a tune we've been trying to complete for a while but have never finished the lyrics to.. until today.. so that was one more in the bank.. we record our first record in a little over a week and we're trying our hardest to be as tight as possible before going in so we don't waste our time and have more time to spend on mixing and producing the sounds themselves... the songs are great and i'm excited to be putting a record out after .. what has it been, like 6 years since the last thing i played on. so its kind of enchanting me a little. i never look forward to the studio.. i always wish i could just think it and it would happen.. but anything worth something is never easy. like me.
i'm finally spacing out.. oh yeah, i just had to mention, i'm really unrested from last night because i had the weirdest kind of dream yet- i dreamt that i couldn't sleep.. i was rolling around in bed, fucking up the covers and then moving from one bed to the other all around the house (that was supposed to be my childhood home, but was a hybrid of a hotel and some other place i've never been.. but the bathroom was true to memory).. and i woke up and was like "i guess i should get up" .. if theres no other telling sign than that.. anyway, i'm going to go lie down, put my headphones on, my eyepillow up to 10 and listen to my band's rehearsal tape from the other day.. figure out what needs to be polished up (although its really good as it is).. can't wait to get this one done, so we can start working on our new tunes, which we seem to have a lot of .. and its way poppier.. really catchy shit.. more hooks than a second grade cloakroom.
so stay inside today. its going to be hot as .. well, a japanese tea bag.. bathtub ni hairitai kawari ni shigoto shimasu..
current mood: confused
current music: ride- going blank again
every skyline and every night spent alone are tearing me apart
maybe I should get some help
maybe I should fly out to montana
i've heard it's quite quiet way out past the electric lines
out where no one will know my name
71º outside and i'm loving it.. so mild, perfect weather.. woke up yesterday morning at (squeak) 7:30am to a bright and sunny morning and the temperature was just perfect.. reminded me of living someplace else.. didn't feel like brooklyn.. and it felt like late spring/early summer (which is my favorite time of year).. i keep forgetting that summer is supposed to be peaking right now and i haven't done all that many summery things.. well, i've rocked the shit out of some pinball and mini golf.. and been to the beach .. well, i guess i have had a good summer.. just so stressed sometimes i forget how beautiful it is around here.. i need to get into prospect park and sit around for a while.. go on the carousel, etc. i haven't done any of that this year.. probably since i don't have a playmate around to kick it with daily. so, i have this planned for the weekend: nothing. . i'm going to do some work that i haven't had the time to do for the last few weeks and put these projects to rest finally.. just some design work for myself that i haven't had a moment to do.. and it needs to be done, so now is the time i guess.. i sure as hell don't feel like going out and hanging out with anybody. i just lied on my bed for about a minute and had to get up before i spaced out and missed band practice.. we have rehearsal at 7.. 3 times this week.. crazy.. oh yeah, i forgot to write about yesterday.. so back to that topic..
i woke up way too early for my usual brain to function, but luckily i wasn't doing anything crazy hard except being a total ham for some cameras and sitting around sipping banana/orange/strawberry smoothies from the catering cart until it was actually time for us to shine.. we showed up at 9:30 on the dot, as asked, and were put into the stylist's trailer immediately, so she could pick out our own clothese for us.. she didn't like anything i had with me, so i had to wear this champion golf shirt with a big tan collar.. circa late 70's.. fine with me. anyway, pat had it worse and ended up wearing a cut off army green shirt with frayed edges and shit. it was cool. matt looked fine in his lumberjack/hick outfit, and nick was rocking some t shirt action .. so not much had to be done in that department.. got our hair done by a very talkative and friendly "hiromi" and she was impressed with my japanese.. she didn't believe that i taught myself and shit. whatever.. it was funny. so then we sat around and drank smoothies and ate biscottis and stuff till 2pm when we broke for lunch..
they were shooting other parts of other commercials that same day (all for intel) but the things they were shooting in one day wouldn't necessarily appear in the same commercial.. vignettes.. so our scene was last and when we got back from lunch (and our 16 bucks per diem intact because we had already pigged out on muffins and shit) we had to wait around about another hour for them to finish with what they were shooting, which was some kids driving around in a car rocking out to some cd they just burned.. its all about digital technology, cd's/photos, etc and what you can do with an intel processor.. like they really need to fuckin' advertise.. all these commercials are going to end up being cut on a mac anyway.. kinda funny.
so our set was this.. we were in an artists loft, last time it was cleaned looked like in the 60's judging by the inch of dirt and grime all over everything. they brought so much fuckin' gear into this artsy beanpole of a lady's house and totally set up a makeshift set.. it was crazy- brought in all these super bright ass lights they cooked us under and stuck some from outside the window to make the daylight even brighter.. they had us totally fucking rock out (they actually let us play our own songs so it was convincing) and then had us "goof off" and take pictures of each other using this incredibly shitty fuji digital camera (i use a canon elph) and none of us could figure out how to use it- it was so bad.. anyway, we took a bunch of fotos in between us "messing around" and shit like a real band would, casually rehearsing in some disgusting loft in the middle of the summer.. the concept was cute enough.. and we did take some good photos (i think they're using the ones we took in the actual commercial).. so we did like 3-4 takes of this, with a panaroma camera on the whole room and then the director, jeff from epoch films (pretty popular company apparently and he's a pretty famous director apparently) was running around with some 16mm film and doing the artsy stuff.. i saw some footage through his viewfinder and it looked really interesting. so we had a great time, sitting around all day and then actually playing our own tunes in this disgusting loft for all these people we didn't know.. they even liked the music.. funny. and mind you, this is all before we've even played a show yet.. so now we're considering actually playing one. haha. . well, we're recording our first record in a week and a half, and then the critics can decide. amazing how all this shit happens backwards.. the killit™ hypemachine is working.. so anyway, the concept of the commercial was cute.. it was done well, and the guy was psyched as shit with our performance.. we went ape shit during the cues and then acted like ourselves when we passed this digital camera around and acted like cornballs.
so after all that was done they had me stay back and be the guy on the computer that just got done rocking with his band, and wants to see the photos (cause the photos are better than the band or something.. like we can fake how great we are or whatever.. haha).. so i had to walk on camera, sit down.. grab my water, pop the camera into its cradle and then pretend to move the mouse around (they'll add the graphics in later) .. and then pop the cd out and walk away.. had to do it like 4 times.. matt commented on how dead on this whole thing is- its not far off from reality he meant.. like, we have a band, we do take pictures of everything (mainly ourselves) and i'm on a computer most of the time that i'm not behind a guitar.. so it was odd in a familiar way.. the producer said that we have 1/3 of a 30 second commercial.. quite a bit of camera time i'd say.. so keep your eyes peeled, and don't laugh at us! it was fun! it was a great experience- the director said we look great on camera and the associate producer said the same thing.. the camera loves us.. so who knows.. are we fuckin' sellouts even though we haven't even bought-in yet..? strange..
so anyway, in conclusion, its much easier to sit around all day and do nothing, get paid for it, and then play music, and get paid for that. and to pretend.. how much fun is that? i could do this shit every day if i had to. in fact, i want to. it beats the hell out of sitting up all night making commercial art.. hahaha. but i'll never get out of my true profession. its too much a part of me.. spongebob calls. i hear you. coming..
oh yeah, the commercial is supposed to air september 15th and its supposed to be a big-ass campaign. .they're shooting the other segments in spain and china... so hopefully this will be a worldwide thing and i'll get a shitload of residuals.. that would rock. kinda would make up for the years of sweat equity i put into all the hardcore and punk bands i was in before.. that ended up losing money on every one of our gigs and attempts at making it happen.. karma.. there you are. thanks. have a great weekend. i'm going to rehearsal... we still have to actually play!
current mood: goofy
current music: saint etienne
spongebob! i hear you.. i'm coming to get you..
no sleep at all
carry me home...
too much to type about right now and not enough brain cells or energy to do it.. i've been up and at it since 7:30am.. didn't even get a good nights sleep last night (like 3 hours or something).. no dreams.. so today was super crazy- the shoot was incredible.. i'll tell you all about it later (with pictures).. i'm going to bed right now and its a much needed rest.
more to come
current mood: developed
current music: echobelly
today was a long day, and its ending on a short note.. i have to be at the commercial shoot at 9:15am.. so i must wake up rather early.. which is probably normal for most everyone, but i usually have later nights.. its 2am and i think if i try and relax i can actually get some sleep. slowdive's doing its thing and bringing the angels into my room to lull my aching head to a better place for a few winks.. i have had a nice but long day. did you get a chance to check out the moon tonight? it was enormous and yellow/orange and just so big.. and it scattered cross shaped beams from different angles, depending on how you looked at it. it's doing a great job of illuminating the floor of my room.. and tonight is the first night in a while that i've not had my air conditioner on full blast.. its kinda chilly actually, and i'm digging it.. i took a nice shower and got prepared for tomorrow, since i'm not used to getting up and having to have cameras on me in the morning.. and to top it off i have a ton of work to do still.. so tomorrow its going to be busy to say the least. of course, i will tell you all about my experiences later tonight (when i get home, and whenever that is).. anyway, i'll just end it here and hope that you'll keep your fingers crossed for us. killit™- the hype machine is working.
my clean sheets await my equally as fragrant sleepy self.. i want to ease into my weekend so i'm praying for an easy, and more importantly fun and productive day.. more later. xo.. i'm going to go break a leg.
current mood: too much to do, not enough rock
current music: slowdive- just for a day
jason and joelt . bar 4 . thurs. july 18th 2002. photo: sng
its supposed to storm like hell later.. all kindsa electrical warnings, floods, hail, hell and high water.. hopefully i won't have to hide under the bed, since i don't have a bed frame any more.. its hot as shit out.. i'm sitting here like a fucking hick on a really nice computer.. i might as well be wearing cut offs and in one of those old-ass mountain dew or juicy fruit commercials. sweating balls.. i think i can make it through this summer without a new a/c.. i have made it this far.. and guess what? july is almost over.. what the fuck. . i don't remember what i did last year since i wasn't writing in this thing yet, but i remember it kinda sucked.. so this summer has been really busy and full of surprises and different levels of happiness.. this year has been alot fucking better than the curse of 2001, so i thank god for palendrome years (2002) . . it's been real. and real fast. stop this thing, i wanna get off! .. its like each day i can't wait for it to get dark.. whats the reason.. i guess its the season. i went out yesterday and it was like swimming. i had the worst case of should i shave my head right now itis ever.. its past my ears now and is growing like vines.. i spent a good half an hour sitting on my couch watching third rock and twisting my strands into medusa-like snakes of hair.. should i dread it, white boy? nah.. corn rows first..
the moon is big tonight.. big and bright and presses down on me.. i am too tidal.. so i wave.
*bye
current mood: stuffy
current music: saves the day- nightengales
yeah.. i wonder who owns that moon...
dismantle me
emotionally
sky blue tears
you're done with me
i'll move forward
neverending
it's a waste of time
you're done with me
current mood: --
current music: the darling buds- she's not crying
She's Not Crying
stop that crying you're better off smiling
hey you could even make my day
don't you listen oh it doesn't matter
i've only got one thing to say
oh you must let her go (she's not crying)
oh you must let her go (she's not crying)
he's not saying that she's just complaining
time will only tell
you'll feel better just forget her
it's easy for me to say
well i didn't mean to embarrass you
i guess i was wrong i hope it didn't really show
i didn't mean to embarrass you
but these are the things that a girl should know
oh there's more to life you know (she's not crying)
oh you must let her go (she's not crying)
so i just woke up .. well, got out of bed that is, around 9:30 and logged into my weblog and forgot to write anything. .so here goes.. had a long few days of self abuse and self awareness and i've figured alot of things out about how to deal with the emotions and stresses that come my way. a different perspective to hopefully make my vision clearer. or maybe get a better view of the underside of things. anyway, i feel things are shifting and moving all at once and things are happening as i've hoped for.. i've been up to my neck in design work, creative things, projects, more projects, and just getting ready to record the first killit™ record in a couple weeks. so work, rehearsal, lack of sleep, and fatigue have made me a little shaky in the legs.. but today i feel like i can stand up .. so no more complaining, and less ping pong. anyway, i'm going to go skate now (its like 90 out) and not think of anything work/creative related... when i come back i'll have my laundry.. the best thing in the world.. clean sheets.. mmmm.. oh yeah, i spent a good half hour already on the couch watching spongebob and goofing off.. ummm.. i have rehearsal tonight, wednesday, and friday, and we shoot our segment of the commercial we're appearing in on thursday.. then going to see jimmy eat world and rock out with the rest of the geek crew, unless we're like super busy as shit that day, which i'm sure we'll be.. got on the list, so hopefully i can go, but either way it wouldn't kill me.
speaking of killing me, i had the strangest dream last night. really bizarre.. i was flying 4-5 huge (really enormous- like 5 meters across) and sinister looking stunt kites tied together, crimson and looking like huge birds, intertwined and circling above.. the sky was grey and the air was chilly and already things seemed a bit out of sorts.. the wind picked up and i couldn't control the kites, as they spun in every direction and flapped uncontrollably high above me.. i started being dragged around, and before i knew it they started pulling me all around and then off the ground and into the air.. i let them go.. easiest solution, and dropped to the ground.. the sinister kites flew away into the atmosphere and became like balloons.. they wouldn't come down and eventually flew off.. i hadn't noticed before, but someone else was with me and screaming at me by then.. the guy i was flying the kites with (who i've never seen before, and was sort of like a metal head/hessian type and obviously the person i had to answer to since my brain had to create a villain) turned on me for fucking his kites up and letting them go.. so he started chasing me .. so i started running (no shit) .. he ran to his little disgusting black datsun and pulled out a gun or a knife or something.. i ran and hid in the bushes and tried to devise a plan but i couldn't.. finally he broke into my hiding place and i got away for a short second and then couldn't run, so i tried the old trick of turning around and running backwards but it didn't work.. i tried speed-clawing the ground to pull my body along, as my legs were stuck.. so i was forced to confront him and his spun out anger, and as i turned around to face him and whatever my fate was, i shuddered awake wildly and jumped right up.. i didn't want to revisit that place. enough sleep. it was really really odd, and i know its definitely pertaining to anxiety/control issues, so i better just stick with my confidence level being up and hope the best. after all, its my life and my dreams.. just stop fucking chasing me unless you're out to kiss me. so on with my day. here's to better dreams and flying machines that don't pull you off the earth. gravity is great.
current mood: better
current music: beach boys- god only knows
God Only Knows
If you should ever leave me
My life would still go on believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me
God only knows what I'd be without you
I may not always love you
But as long as there are stars above you
You'll never need to doubt it
I'll make you so sure about it
God only knows what I'd be without you
it's all gonna fall into place...
we have incredible grace.
i really enjoy crown and gingers and the drum n bass
so just like i thought.. we nailed the audition on tuesday (read below) and got the commercial.. hmmm.. now what.. killit™ are sellouts..
CLERYNYC: hey
CLERYNYC: guess what
CLERYNYC: we got the fucking commercial
Earthprgrm: i knew we would o:)
Earthprgrm: hahaha
CLERYNYC: but
Earthprgrm: rockin'
Earthprgrm: they don't want nick and patt
CLERYNYC: that want us to come in for a fitting
Earthprgrm: fitting? what???
Earthprgrm: hahaha
Earthprgrm: when
CLERYNYC: and they want us today
CLERYNYC: i CANT do it today
Earthprgrm: i can't make it today dood. i'm sick as shit
CLERYNYC: im going the jersey in an hour
Earthprgrm: i am in bed and on the computer.
CLERYNYC: for work
Earthprgrm: well tell them it'll have to happen monday
CLERYNYC: but im trying to get them to do it tomororw
Earthprgrm: and fit what? they have wardrobe?
CLERYNYC: the shoot will be on like monday
Earthprgrm: they didn't say when the shoot is?
CLERYNYC: just to look at what we wore to the auditions
CLERYNYC: those sets of clothes
CLERYNYC: she is calling me back
Earthprgrm: they want us to wear those sets of clothes?
Earthprgrm: ok.. tell her this has to happen sat/sun or monday
CLERYNYC: i did
Earthprgrm: cause i aint around, nicks going to be back on sun
CLERYNYC: i told them nick is not here
CLERYNYC: thats way lasst minute
Earthprgrm: yeah.. they want us to come in for a fitting of our own clothes?
CLERYNYC: they called me and want us to come in NOW
Earthprgrm: they have us on video in the threads
CLERYNYC: i was like yeah right
Earthprgrm: i can't come in now.. i am about to puke
Earthprgrm: well, see if you can work it out. :)
CLERYNYC: whats wrong?
CLERYNYC: you are always sick
Earthprgrm: if we're wearing our own threads i don't see why we need a fitting. .i have a migraine.. actually, i've felt fine for the last 2 weeks
Earthprgrm: so whats this fitting all about
Earthprgrm: to see what we look like in our own clothes that they've already seen twice?
CLERYNYC: dotn know
CLERYNYC: these peoplle dont seem to know their head from their ass
Earthprgrm: well ask em what thats all about.... strange that we would need to be "fitted" for our own clothing
Earthprgrm: killit™ are sellouts
Pay attention to the assorted offers, propositions and opportunities that are prostrating themselves at your feet, particularly in regard to business or health-related issues. The Sun is closely linked to Jupiter, the planet of optimism and expansion, and you should seize the moment to ring the changes both at home and at work.
current mood: mainstremo
current music: killit™ - i am the enemy
i have no energy to type about my life, so i'll direct you to jason's journal, where we shared our crazy ass dreams from the night before last. and theres some witty commentary too.
current mood: tired, dreamy
current music: chet baker
go ice cream man! go!
this thing spreads love all over the house.. its a feng shui prism to transmit light and vibes.. i like it..
and makes these lovely spectra... soothing..
july 17th is a crazy fucking day.
less reserved
but refined nonetheless..
its 6:15 and i smell like an onion.. i've managed to do like 5 projects, balance my checkbook, swiffer the entire fucking apartment and i'm still at it.. i need to make a sandwich, since all i'm running on is a banana and oj protein shake i made like 5 hours ago.. i woke up at 9:30.. this schedule sucks. after going to bed at like 4am last night.. anyway, i'm tired as shit and am in the mood to get drunk. well, not totally off the wall, but a little buzzed to make my heavy head lighter.. yes, i use drinking to escape the reality of my situation. no i don't, really, but tonight is one of those.. so i'll have 2, 3, or 6 and call it quits..
so yeah, i should probably eat, get in the shower, and then watch the simpsons.. oh yeah, what kinda fucking bullshit did fox pull on us this weekend? was it really necessary to show jerry maguire when there's like 300 simpsons episodes dying to be re-run? well, to make up for it they've booked a solid 2 hour block of simpsons from 7-9 est on sunday. . so no calls then please... i'll be doing my usual- eating thai food and rocking back and forth..
got some nice emails today.. thanks for the words of encouragement.. i'm more anxious than ever to complete my new site and get all the shit together i want to share with you. i'm glad theres strangers that secretly wish me well. you rock! you're that kind of stranger i always wish good things for.
i couldn't be any stranger... i think i'm as strange as they come..
current mood: tired, etc
current music: john denver- follow me
Follow Me
It's by far the hardest thing I've ever done
to be so in love with you and so alone
Follow me where I go what I do and who I know
make it part of you to be a part of me
follow me up and down all the way and all around
take my hand and say you'll follow me
It's long been on my mind you know it's been a long, long time,
You see, I'd like to share my life with you and show you things I've seen,
I'll try to find the way that I can make you understand
places that I'm going to places where I've been
Follow me where I go what I do and who I know
make it part of you to be a part of me
follow me up and down all the way and all around
take my hand and say you'll follow me
the way I feel about you and just how much I need you
to have you there beside me and never be alone
to be there where I can talk to you when there's no one else around.
and all the time that you're with me then we will be at home.
ok the reason my posting has been so infrequent is i use this thing called blogger to update my weblog page, and its been on the fritz lately.. not letting me post, etc.. or posting stuff a while after i've generated the pages, etc.. anyway, it sucks shit and i'm working on an alternative to work into the new site.. today was interesting to say the least- i'll write all about it ..yeah.. i have pictures too.. i need to pull those out.. brb..
ok. i'm back. i am sifting through pictures and sending files to japan to be printed. i have a sweet monthly gig designing for the biggest club in tokyo, the womb if you click on that bitch right there it'll pop up the latest offering of artwork for this saturday's "session" party.. like the photos? i've managed to incorporate alot of my photography into my design, which has made conceptualizing a hell of a lot easier of the past few years.. i can let the images speak for themselves and then be the commercial tool i am and ruin it by typing some dj's name across it.. whatever.. its a trick being a commercial artist- toeing the line between cool and "is too cool to give them?" .. i'm too selfish to give up all my great ideas to everyone. cause ideas last forever, but cash seems to fly away from me.. whatever. its all art. and i'm not running out of ideas any time soon.. i am going through a renaissance of sorts in the past year.. playing guitar again, writing music, designing like theres no tomorrow and actually being into it.. for a while there when i had like 15 clients i was totally confused and lost in the whole "this shit sucks and i hate being someone's art ho" thing, but now i'm ready to get back on top- i had to cut loose for a little while and get my bearings straight. now its a breeze. whatever.
i snap and its done.
umm... so on with my day.. we had a "call back" for this audition that my band, killit, went to on thursday. its for an intel commercial.. anyway, only half of us could make it, because we never thought we'd get a call back, considering our first audition was embarrassing. no amps, we had to play our guitars and try to rock out with no sound.. it was lame.. anyway, they apparently liked our look cause thats all we had going for us that day, and our sharp and smart ass comments .. we're tough in a group.. solo you could kick our asses.. well, not mine. i have a gun. anyway, nick's away in maryland with his girl doing engagement shit, and pat, who has had this serious sugar addiction since high school (or younger.. but i met him after high school) broke a fucking tooth (a molar or something) on GRAPE NUTS. the first fuckin' healthy gravel he's ever eaten i'm sure. anyway, shows him for going behind my back and not eating fun dip.. mothafuckah. . so, seriously, one of the first times i met pat he was in his dorm room at syracuse, was listening to star wars as narrated by mark hammil and playing sega genesis' mortal combat "with blood mode turned on" .. and he looks at me funny and i thought he was getting out something illegal, and instead pulls out this shoe box full of fuckin sugarcoated goodies- whackey wafers, bottlecaps, all kinds of chewy things.. and he ate like half the box. and anyway.. what was i typing about.. oh yeah.. our audition. so pat broke his disgusting sugar tooth on health food and we didn't have a drummer for the audition "call back" today. so matt and i went in with this confidence about us that was sickeningly familiar and totally rocked the fuckin shit outta these 4 casting directors, and the director liked our look. . he asked if we could look like in anguish and shit.. and i was like i'm constantly in anguish, i was trying to play it cool for you.. or something like that.. anyway, he was like "wow i can't believe you pulled that off" (that was a compliment i guess) and was very nice about the whole thing. either way, he liked our look, how we played, and the whole emo/mainstreamo thing is big right now and the other bands we saw just looked like shit, so i hope we're in. would be funny to be in a commercial before we've ever actually played a show. but thats how things go.. out of order. so wish me well, i want to be a fuckin' star already. jeez.
that was a shaggy dog story.. so you can ignore that whole paragraph up there if you've made it this far looking for the line break. yeah.. so this a/c is spitting semi-hot air on me and i'm sipping tea in the dark .. alone. being me is not a trend, its a curse.
current mood: blasity blasity blah..
current music: etro anime
oh yeah.. photos..
It is becoming increasingly clear that specific routines and patterns need to be altered, and right now would be the best time. Whether these are in the professional, personal or social arena and whether they are wholesale changes or merely cosmetic ones, the bottom line is obvious: The clock is ticking and actions speak louder than words.
Today's star rating: ***
me? change? how could i? i'm just getting good.. and its only getting better..
current mood: keen
current music: inside out- undertone
nothing to do but complain. or play me in ping pong.
current mood: goofball
current music: the simpsons
it'll hurt too much to dance at my retirement party.
i just decided to post some photos from this weekend, rather than write anything crazy heavy. my back is still inoperable, and i'm in constant pain.. the tylenol 3 with codeine didn't do shit (jason says they loop him out, but they're like a fuckin' joke) .. i need something to make my back kinda melt away.. anyway, i'm in the mood to take a walk, but it would be a rather painful one.. so i think i'm just going to go get some lunch and stuff.. oh yeah, i spilled a banana/orange protein shake all over my keyboard, so i'm using the keys from my g3 instead.. the mouse wouldn't work with it.. anyway, no more drinks around the computers.. its never happened to me (in like the 24 years i've had a computer) and here it is.. new house rules.. so, i have the simpsons to look forward to.. god, please don't let it be baseball.. fuck up my weekend.. anyway. have a lot to do as usual, this week. so i'm going to get on it. also, yes i realize its july and i haven't updated my page, but i feel that i'd rather not stress out about an interface.. i'm still getting all my new photos/designs together (well, the ones i've done since january) to rock the new site, but whatever.. it will be changed shortly.. for my sake.
anyway, check out these shots. only in brooklyn would there be a moonbounce in the middle of the street.
seems so summery:
current mood: still hurting, so must be behaving
current music: saves the day- can't slow down
so i really fucked my back up somehow .. i pulled a muscle in the lower right and now its like my muscle is choking my spine and twisting it in every direction.. like bubble gum wrapped around my body.. it hurts like a motherfucker.. anyway, i've taken 3 baths, eaten handfuls of motrin, smoked out, stretched, put arnica gel all over the spot, and now it just fuckin kills.. so much for home remedies. i got my new etnies yesterday and i can't even skate.. the horror of it all. its lovely outside, so i'm going to rite aid to get a stick-on heating pad to dull the pain and going to jason's house to get some tylenol 3 with codeine courtesy of our lovely friends in canada. props to all g8 nations!
anyway, i wanted to go ride the carousel in the park, but now i'm sure i'll make it to the edge of the park and fall down.. you'll have to stick a bomb pop (red, white and blue) in my mouth to wake me up. i'm done whining. i'm sure i'll have more to whine about later. oh yeah- new show, monk on usa network is the shit. obsessive compulsive detective... right up my alley- of course and ocd detective would be the best kind of detective.. attention to details, baby!
zen and the art of keeping magazines straight on the coffee table. if its not at a right angle.. thats right- its at a wrong angle!
current mood: pain... hurts..
current music: zero 7
oh gawd.. if you keep writing about it, you'll keep perpetuating this bullshit, hype, and false information. i mean, i'm emotional, but i don't have to be the victim all the fucking time. jesus. these fucking kids with their haircuts and shit have managed to pigeon hole every other artist playing catchy midtempo rock songs into one category.. so much for jumping the bandwagon- this one's going to crash before it even happens. i hope kids are tortured enough to continue catching on -- to getting into their feelings.. whatever. its good that former jock-rock kids are listening to more sensitive lyrics, but the torture of it all is a little too dramatic. and its making everyone think that all these bands have something in common, when most of them could really give a shit about any one of the others, and certainly don't sound anything alike.. anyway, i'm rambling.. its friday and its 12:30 and its 73º out and its only gonna get to 81º and i have 2 meetings, a rehearsal and then some dinner to think about.. and i would like to skate in there at some point! hmmm.. yeah, i just got a buncha new threads from ccs.com so i totally look like a skate rat now. and at least i have some shoes to skate in (my rod lavers were begging for me to break my ankle!) so i got some etnies amongst some other essential items- t's and shorts, etc.. now i just need all new ankle socks and i'm good to go.. i need, or want rather, to ride the carousel in prospect park. i'm thinking after my 3 o'clock i'm going to march right over there and get on that mofo.. and then get some lime/grape water ice (yes, mixed!) .. and then the night'll take care of the rest. too much to do, never enough time .. yeah, thats the way i feel.. anyway, i have to get in the shower. i'm meeting with someone in a half an hour. you enjoy your day, i'm going to go shoot some photos too.. need more artistic endeavors this weekend.
current mood: yawn
current music: vanessa daou- zipless
i've been away since thursday.. literally, just walked in the door.. its so quiet and peaceful and i just remarked to myself how much i like my stuff.. its really soothing to be around it all, and to enjoy my couch quietly.. i lit the candles and i'm feeling less stressed.. i was hoping i could slide back into new york, and real life mode this easily.. i'm having orangina and vodka by candle light and waiting for thai food to arrive.. its not a million degrees here any more, so i am pleased all around.. i just sat on an airplane for 3.5 hours (for a 50 minute flight) due to delays from weather and so forth.. and then after sitting on the plane for 2 hours we took off, only to land in laguardia and wait a half an hour or more to be pulled into the alley.. took a cab home- always the most dangerous part of the trip.. but now i can safely say i have 248 something emails to erase/peruse and then i have to start writing notes to myself about how difficult tomorrow is going to be.. have to slip back into real life/real time.. although i've been getting up rather early lately (well, early for me i mean).. and getting things done (i watered every flower at my mom's house and it only took an hour and a half).. so i've been nursing a nice reddish hue sunburn-becoming-tan thing for the past 5 days and i'm hoping it turns on the browner side soon. either way, it looks like i have alot of energy .. its all in the complexion. and i'm way too complex.
so, how was your holiday? i sat on a raft and looked at the blue sky for close to 4 days.. and i didn't bring a computer. so no updates from me.. and thats how i liked it! now that i'm back i'll abuse my weblog to no end.. i'm sure after i'm done reading through these emails i'll have plenty to bitch about. but hopefully this good mood will stick with me.
the candles are blinking to me.. welcome home..
current mood: calm
current music: new york 1
happy interdependence day! haha. happy fourth though. don't play with any fireworks- unless supervised by an adult (and i definitely don't yet consider myself one).. so, basically, be safe and enjoy the holiday.
love joeltee
current mood: tranquil
current music: trembling blue stars- alive to every smile
"blue, blue, as if that sky let fall
a flower from its cerulean wall.." - bryant
temperatures are going to climb to 97º today and over 100 with the heat index.. so no skateboarding for any of you. i have to go to the bank.. i'll probably pass out on the way there.. so its time to start sticking gatorade in the freezer to make ghetto slurpees.
current mood: sleep walking, sleep rocking
current music: cocteau twins- four calendar cafe
now let's be reasonable... no, forget about being reasonable.. time, slow down, don't run out on me - lord, speed up, who's side are you on anyway...
when reason sleeps, demons dance.
current mood: unreasonable
current music: reason to believe- far from my hands
Far From My Hands
I can feel it, it's out there
I'm left praying for a prayer
Living after, a dying day
I can feel it, it's heading this way
Time, slow down, don't run out on me
Lord, speed up, who's side are you on anyway
Can't you see there's a question mark
It's at the end of everyday
It leaves me praying for a prayer
Praying for it to never go away
Far from my, far from my hands
Far from my, it's right here in my mind
Far from my, far from my hands
Far from my, it's right here in my mind
oh btw.. that national weather service has issued and excessive heat watch for tuesday and wednesday.. fucking lovely. now a/c prices are going to be unbalanced and schitzophrenic for the next few days.. i can beat it. this little joke ass a/c unit can do it. i believe.. otherwise i'll take my laptop in the bathtub filled with ice cubes.. and i'll take my lemonade in there too.
weird day all around.. i've been stressed out to no end, seems like there's never enough time to complete everything i want to do.. it's almost 2am and i'm just getting started on something that's due tomorrow around lunch.. i had a rather busy day- got alot of phone calls made, things done creatively, etc.. rode the train with nick to band practice around 6 something .. we rehearsed for 3.5 hours (with 3 breaks) and we're really making strides.. everything is getting better and better every rehearsal.. tweaking out the songs, etc, cause we're going to record on august 7th.. our first little record.. its been a music filled day.. spent alot of time listening to tunes today, and after rehearsal nick and i went over to our friend michael's house. he's an amazing producer/singer/songwriter/all around cool guy and he did an impromptu performance for us.. he played a jeff buckley/elizabeth fraser song that is unreleased and then played sade "pearls" which has the "hallelujah..." part that is also reminiscent of that tune covered by buckley himself on his album grace.. so nice tie-in. . umm.. heard some news that bummed me out big time today- the singer for one of my favorite bands of all time, turning point, apparently overdosed and passed away a week ago.. sad to hear it, as he grew up merely miles away from my childhood home and the band was kind of a big inspiration on me musically and stylistically.. its a shame to hear such awful news.. and on such a day that was filled with creative energy and other driving forces.. its made me thoughtful and sober. anyway, sad to say that this is the way things sometimes end.
current mood: ...
current music: turning point- thursday
Thursday
shadows fall
over this small town tonight
snuffing out the remains
of the evening light
my mind is clouded
with the events of the day
why is life torturing me this way?
i keep running it back
running it back through my mind
but what do i get? what do i expect to find?
my eyes- drop, they drop, they drop, they drop
down to the floor
every step that i take forward
seems so unsure
so i scream out
right to a world that does not care
i'm reaching through the black
and finding nothing there
i never felt so alone
and so scared all at once
time to forget about this world
that's turned up its nose
and it passed me by
sleep washes over
this tired soul
can't help but let this night
swallow me whole
awake to find
the sun staring down
i squint my eyes to avoid the truth
with no resolution
found
look at the time... where does it all go.
ok. so i did what i set out to do today.. everything was harmonious until an incident that jogged me right before i had to go to bed (which is why i have an explanation for being up so late on a sunday evening) .. i had such a nice day, chilling alone most of the day and then hooking up with friends for an incredibly well planned home made dinner.. not until after i had my lime and grape water ice and walked all over park slope.. saw alot of the neighborhood i've never seen and it was super chill day.. i made spinach ravioli in pink vodka sauce with cream and spinach.. and we had a lovely spinach salad with some incredibly mixed dressing. (olive oil, balsamic vinegar, honey dijon mustard and what was it.. soy sauce.. thats the trick) ... plus garlic bread and grape ginger ale (of course).. jason brought the chocolate sorbet that is lurking behind me in the refrigerator, which i have yet to touch.. anyway, on with my stories..
so while i was cooking dinner and watching the simpsons my brother was on the floor helping me fix this joke-ass vornado fan from like 4 years ago i'm trying to use in a weak attempt to spread 3000-5000 btus of a/c around my apartment.. needless to say my bedrooms the only cool place in the house.. so jason was helping me fix the rotator so it would spin and actually produce a breeze (it works lovely now).. either way, we cleaned the screen that goes on the front of the fan and left it open while the screen was drying in the tub where i washed it. so, as jason's leaving he says "don't walk into the fan" and thats that.. 2 hours later i walk into the darkness of my room (my computer fell asleep so there was no monitor light) and next thing i know i walk right into the bitch and it slaps me across the calf/shin and takes a good bit of me with it as i kicked it over.. so it took a while to stop the bleeding, i cried and whined and it hurt so badly i thought i was going to pass out .. so its all cleaned, bandaged and will hopefully stop throbbing at some point. either way, it was a lovely day.. just hated to end it on that note..
so i called mike's wife, maria (who i have been missing on big time) and she lives all the way out in albuquerque, new mexico (which i love too) and we got a chance to catch up for a over an hour and a half.. we had a lot of great moments.. she told me some funny ass stories about ella, and what a ham she is and how its natural for her to want to be around instruments and be on stage and stuff.. it definitely runs in the family! mike was a great performer.. anyway, she told me that before ella goes to bed she says "hand" and puts her hand out towards the wall above their bed, and then says "tuckles" (which means cuddles.. she's only 18 months) and says "daddy" and gives the air-stranger a handshake and cuddles.. maybe she can see what we can't.. i truly believe she can. . i used to see all kinds of things before i unlearned them. anyway, i hope mike's really there .. i feel him all around me and see him everywhere. apparently she does too. and i'm glad.. cause if he's with us its like we can't miss that. i love sharing memories of mike with her- she reminds me of some funny shit we've done.. and i never get tired of hearing about it... she's going to roswell this week and says she's going to get me a shot glass or coffee mug (by request).. which i love, those two items from anyplace interesting. my st. louis mug is the talk of the town.
what an interesting day. full of pleasure and pain, cartoons (home movies rawks), pasta, and oh! i thought ahead and put my 350 thread count egyptian cotton polo sheets on my bed.. fresh from the laundry.. things are coming up milhouse!
current mood: ready
current music: belle and sebastian- the wrong girl
The Wrong Girl
I went looking for my darling, I went looking for a sign
and I found her in the morning, somewhere in the back of my mind
I'm not what I could be, I need a true love
I went looking and I found one
The wrong girl
The wrong kind
The wrong hand to be holding
The wrong eyes to go searching behind
The wrong dream to have on my mind
