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konban wa tsuki wa sugoku kirei deshoo ne..
i'll be looking .. will you be?
current mood: thoughtful
current music: bomb the bass- clear
i'm writing. to who? to no one again.. as i do every night .. and its always in the anti meridian and now i'm lost in some jawbreaker lyrics .. . hmm. i've worked 14 hours today. my mind is a blur of colours and keystrokes. and too many pop up windows and applications opened at once.. its so confusing.. what a desktop looks like. and behind a cloud of weed.. i hope i don't become that burnout kid down the street. i went to bed at 5:30 am last night.. well after i made my last journal entry.. i was working on some stuff.. i get lost and the hours slip by. i have just been playing guitar for the last 2 hours to unwind.. well tomorrow i have things to attend to.. getting my powerbook back (see the saga story below from last week) hopefully i will have my data recovered.. then maybe, if i have a spring in my step i'll step on up to the 34th st. dmv express and get a new license.. yeah.. that sounds like a plan. and somewhere in there i have a massage lined up.. now if i could just get laid, get a haircut and a manicure i'd have a full day. crazy. 14 hours in front of the computer.. now a whole dvd of simpsons episodes to get through. busy busy.
.. are you out there? can you hear me? can i still call you? do you still hate me?
current mood: fatigued
current music: jawbreaker
i got bored with the look of the site so i changed some colours, updated the playlists, dj schedule and some photos. i'm putting more up this week and planning on issue #7 to be completed in a week. with all new stuff.. including a message board, a couple dj sets, an email list for notifications of cool things going on, all the archived issues (so you can see how its grown over the past 6 months) .. and i might even start promoting this thing .. i like the audience. well, i certainly like the platform for telling you about me and what i'm up to. saves a hell of alot of time in introductions doesn't it?
anyway.. its 3:33am.. i was wondering how i managed to stay awake so late last night, and now here it is once again early morning and i'm puzzled.. time flies.. goodnight. i'm going to lie in bed and fall asleep to the simpsons. its supposed to be in the high 50's/low 60's today. and i don't want to miss it. when the sun comes up ..
had a very productive day.. accomplished many things and yet i still have so much to do.. i'll be up for a few more hours completing this design as much as i can before my brain disintegrates. i am pretty happy right now.. had a really great rehearsal with my band mates in killit™ and we totally rocked the fucking shit down. it was tight.. we even got through one more tune and part way through another.. and i stayed up till like 4:30 am last night and played guitar in my kitchen.. i was super stoned.. anyway i was standing in the dark in my kitchen with my guitar and managed to solve the problem in this one arrangement i had and then just started screwing around with something else and ended up writing an entirely new tune.. and i have like 2 more we haven't even rehearsed yet, and my other guitarist/vocalist has a few really great songs that we haven't gone over yet .. so we'll hopefully have like 10 tunes sometime around the new year if we keep going at this pace.. we move into our new rehearsal space on saturday and its absolutely great.. so wish us well. its going to be comfy and hi-tech and shit. anyway. how was your day? i'm wasting time before i decide to go for it on this design. my fingers are tired.. and my eyes are sore.. i'm going to go blind some day.. i hope not. so much cool shit to see! well, i miss you, whoever you are.
more dates added to my dj schedule, including dates in france and all the way into january. adding more photos this week. i think i have some pretty funny shit. and hopefully oakiedog™ will speak to me this week. its been a while, dog.
current mood: pleased and thank you'd
current music: tenacious d
veggie burger on the stove and a bowl in my hand. i'm at my comfortable house with not much on my mind. last night was one of the most awful and surreal nights of my life. it was like watching all this shit happen to me from outside. in slow motion. with shit on the screen. i don't want to discuss it.. i will refer to it as the unpleasantness and move on with my day. i woke up with such bad dehydration i didn't think i could walk.. liquids.. now i can breakdance. nothing to write about. and nothing left to do but smile. hi.
current mood: yawn.
current music: andrew birds bowl of fire
theres this girl i really like.. i mean, i really like her... shhhh. don't tell anyone, or i'll rip out your pages and burn you.
love joelt.
thank you
for stabbing words
like shards
stolen from birthday cards
way past the point
of all that i could take
i want to scream
until i bleed or run out of tape
i'll never run out of hateful words
or run out of catchy chords
thank you
for 2 seasons of heartbreak
©2001 the jordans llc.
current mood: starry
current music: pete namlook & richie hawtin- from within
its amazing how distracted i get by sunsets in the rear view mirrors. hands free car crash when i spin around to catch the purples and long red bands on the horizon.. and my face in the windshield, bathed in a beautiful sick yellow. i drove 5 hours by myself last night.. back from syracuse. solo.. i hated it. i knew that it would take me about 5 cd's of listening and spacing out to get back to the city. i don't trust myself to control the vehicle at all times.. in fact sometimes i notice myself spacing out so much that i have to do something about it. like pull over and stretch or check out any number of the picnic tables that line route 17 in their pseudo rest areas.. how was everyone's thanksgiving? i had a beer for the first time at dinner.. i think i'm old enough now. or something.. they offered it, so i was like fine. and all the starches were represented in full force for this vegetarian. i had like a stuffing sandwich with mashed potatoes on it .. hahaha not really, but pretty close. then went out drinking with my friend who is now officially a lawyer. i told him not to become a prick until he deserves it. yes. wisdom from the kid that needs to be taught. i was on my old campus of syracuse university.. amazing i put up with living there so long, it was so cold and windy.. but so pretty.. it is a really beautiful campus. although most of my memories are hiking through 3 feet of snow to get to astronomy class at 10pm. or drinking hot chocolate in my room and looking out at the snow blanketing the would-be walkways. i feel the need for academia.. i think i'll go back to school.. and rule.
current mood: stoned. finally. and back in my house.
current music: vannessa daou- slow to burn
also, i cleaned my house.. now i can have a party. the dustballs were on my shit-list.
its 3:30 am in syracuse.. the hum of the air conditioner in the hotel room is lulling me to a slow and gentle sleep.. i had a nice thanksgiving with the parents and the extended family.. took the tour of the old campus i used to hate, and realized that going to school here wasn't so bad.. i was just ahead of my time. and i had some nice drinks and smoked some nice pipes with some nice people.. and now i'm back here at the hotel room and thinking about waking up at 10:30 am and getting my brother to the airport for his journey to california tomorrow.. gone for a week and a half.. i'll have all this freedom finally, with noone watching over me.. who wants to have a sleep over? hahaha.. i'm driving back to brooklyn tomorrow solo.. the 4 hours i'll have to speed along, and sing my song and get my thinking on.. and what will you being doing? sleeping in? commiting sin? i need to go to sleep.. i'm stoned out of my head and i'm on a 56k dialup and its pathetic.. and i'm syracuse. and its 3:30.. and nothings adding up. i had a good time.. i wrote some songs tonight.. good stuff. you'll hear.. also- i'm going to get a dj set up here really soon and expect a re-design in the next week including a message board. i want to see if anyone actually reads this shit and if they have any opinions.. the tickers going up slowly but surely and i would love to get a forum of freaks talking about anything and everything. you're all freaks, right? freaks believe in beats.
you slipped into the room like a fucking typhoon.
current mood: stoned, sleepy, satisfied.
current music: killit (in my head)
happy thanksgiving. christmas is around the corner. if i post a list... will you.. ? nevermind...
36º and clear. but not in my head nor my eyes. i just wanted to state the fact that the sun is setting at 4:30pm tomorrow.. i forget every single year about how surprising this whole shift in time perception screws me up emotionally.. i need the sunlight. i need to winter in the southern hemisphere. i'm thinking brazil.. or auckland new zealand.. yeah. the days are getting shorter and shorter, i hope this trend of staying awake working till the sun comes up ends. its only an hour and a half away. lovejoel
this one isn't interesting. its me complaining about losing. so don't read on if you're looking for something interesting. this is just a reminder to me of how shitty my last 2 days were. its chilly in here.. i have my pajamas on .. its 4:41 am and i just finished my work for the evening. well, i would have had it done around 2pm if my powerbook hadn't crashed.. it was lovely.. i was up till 7am last night working on this huge piece and had put about 17 hours into it when the screen suddenly froze.l "oh shit, i thought".. but wait, i'll just force quit and reboot.. so i forced quit everything, and reboot the powerbook.. i got a missing folder flashing "?" thing meaning it couldn't find the boot drive.. so i boot off my system cd and then it asks if i want to initialize the disc, meaning it can't boot or find the system software on the hard drive.. which meant it was fucked and i was fucked. so i ran disk first aid and it identified the drive, but wouldn't allow me to mount it.. so i got a firewire and hooked it up to my g4 and tried to mount the drive on my g4 through the firewire and the same thing happened- it asked me if i wanted to initialize it. so my heart's pounding and then i suddenly realize that i am not going to make my deadline of getting it to the printer by 5 (now its almost 5am) and this was 15 hours ago when this shit happened. so anyway, i had to start over from scratch and put another 15 hours into it. so something that should've taken me 18 hours ended up taking 33 hours. and i've slept 4 hours since last night. you should see my eyes.
so anyway, basically i couldn't solve the problem, the powerbooks going to the apple doctor tomorrow, and hopefully all my information is still on there.. luckily i backed up all my critical shit yesterday by chance (i wasn't planning on it) by burning 3 cds 2.3 gigs worth of shit.. crazy foresight.. another proof of my clairvoyance with no way of using it practically. not being able to identify or use the knowledge that i got the hunch to suddenly back my shit up. as if i was anticipating a problem.. my senses are weird. unfortunately, i didn't have the inkling to back the work i was currently doing, namely this huge project. anyway.. if you want to see it, you can view it at joeltjordan.com/peaceonearth (yes, it is a huge 11x17 foldout rave flyer, and no, i don't usually do rave flyers, but this one seemed like a fun project and is for one of my buddies) anyway.. whats done is done. i was given a day to do it, and instead, due to technical shit, it took 2 days.. but all the way through with 4 hours sleep isn't doing my brain very good right now.. i'm sleepy. and mushy.. and achey. ergonomic pajamas..
i'm in my pajamas. and in weed city. i wish someone was here to rub my head and put ice cubes on my eyes. driving to syracuse tomorrow, the barren town for thanksgiving. i'll be chilling at my grandmothers farm in upstate ny. looking forward to the shot of nature and fresh chilly fresh air. i'll be thankful to be away from a computer for a couple days (and now i obviously can't bring my powerbook) .. can't get the violent femmes outta my head .. i need someone, a person to talk to, someone to care, to love.. could it be you? could it be you?
where are my eyedrops and my slippers?
current mood: i can't believe i am not blind
current music: head music
i'm going to walk home now.. with my hands in my pockets and looking at my shoes. i am what emo is.
current mood: emo. i just said so.
current music: the fontaine sisters
hey you .. there, with the stars in your eyes..
i'm going outside to watch the meteor shower.. maybe you'll be looking at the same sky falling down.
someone that makes you laugh... thats the most important thing. the joy bringers..
current mood: sleepy
current music: ride- going blank again
also.. the beaujolais nouveau came out yesterday.. a light fruity red burgundy wine made from the gamay grape and from the east of france... 11/15.. i'll take two bottles. reminds me of being on tour 5 years ago on this date and rocking out in france with my last band, rain still falls... in st. ettienes.. foozball, new wine, and hash space cakes .. the whole band stood around in a freezing cold loft, practically losing our shit while watching the snow fall down slowly, blanketing this small town in southeast france.. one of the strangest nights of my life. we couldn't sleep till the sun came up.. and i remember it like it was the other day, not in 1996.
current mood: sleepy
current music: dead can dance
where my girls at? from the front to back? where's my bowl at... its around here somewhere.. wheres my heart at.. where it belongs.. inside.. and wheres my brain.. elsewhere. i know i'm not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition, but whatever.. wheres my grammar at, motherfucker?
current mood: smiley
current music: i'm busy writing it.
no matter how you try, you can't get back in my life. you could wait all night. you'll never hear from me .. and i don't care to see you ever again.
current mood: n/a
current music: n/a
i no longer talk to ghosts.
i'm having a day of epic proportions creatively. i'm blowing through everything with confidence and speed and even managed to write a new tune this morning when i was screwing around with my guitar on my couch. the sun was streaming through the window and i felt the timing was right.. lots to complete. wonder if i can keep up with my heart bursting over, sunshine.
current mood: need i spell it out?
current music: shakira- suerte
today i was an assassin in the literal archaic definition of the word.. look it up. screwed around all day and then headed to manhattan.. indian food and rock n roll in the east village. sunday night. so i taped the simpsons and went to get a drink instead. ended up an interesting bar called remote... with cameras and screens everywhere.. here's a photo of me from the lounge check it: http://www.remotelounge.com/consolePhotos/index.php?album=11-11-2001&image=20011111214627116.jpg
current mood: ilikehash
current music: crowded house- something so strong
[French, from Medieval Latin assassnus, from Arabic an, pl. of a, hashish user, from a, hashish. See hashish.]
wish i knew what you were looking for
might've known what you would find
and its something quite peculiar-
something shimmering and white
it leads you here, despite your destination
under the milky way tonight...
current mood: thoughtful
current music: the church- under the milky way
11/11 is the day. dreams will be perfected. someday soon and by us alone.
i was rolling around.. thrashing about and remembering things from times before and reliving them to a certain extent.. the details are all there if i think far enough. just verifying my history up until now and where i'm headed, really.. just kinda taking inventory of my memories.
current mood: up for anything
current music: the starseeds- heavensairportcoffeeshoprestaurant
AQUARIUS:
>>Wednesday, November 7
As your confidence and self-esteem grow, you'll become a little less selfless. If you ever wanted to follow or lead, you won't anymore, because two hearts meant to beat together are meant to beat bilaterally-side by side. You're closer to turning a dream into a goal because you realize your basic needs are easily met.
yes.
theres something great about this beginning of november vibe.. everythings falling down around me. autumn is peaking, and it makes me blush to look at it. i took a walk at 1:00 am last night.. a brisk one with my hat on and my hood pulled up.. and i ambled along down deserted streets and watched the wind sweep the leaves in circles at every intersection. and i didn't think about anything but how much i enjoyed being alone, on this walk. and maybe next time i'll ask someone to join me. for a late night walk through the streets near where i live.
current mood: still running it.
current music: oasis- live forever
slept terribly last night.. couldn't fall asleep till about 5:30am, had really strange and vivid dreams, woke up at 7:30, went back to sleep till 10:30 and got up.. now i'm extremely exhausted from sleeping so poorly and spending the last 2 hours getting ready to leave for home.. i am looking forward to being back at my house and sleeping in my huge comfy bed- and getting on with my life. i've figured out a lot this morning just in the background of my head .. based on the dreams i had, and i hope i can approach any situation with this renewed and clear outlook. at least thats the plan. here we go. six hour drive. wish me luck.
current mood: sanguine
current music: future sound of london
every time i come to va i manage to catch up on my rest.. unfortunately last night the smoke from the wild fires in north carolina was blowing in the wind and i swallowed a good part of it- the porch was covered with ash and i realized that as i was sitting there, outside with my friends, i was inhaling all this. so i woke up this morning with a wonderful cough. went to bed early, got up at 9:30.. its been earlier and earlier every day.. i wonder if i can get back to a normal person's schedule eventually.. its so nice here i never want to leave, but i have to get back to the real world (and brooklyn) eventually. i am excited to push forward with the things that i have set up and to not feel victimized for caring too much. what i crave and what i need and want will come to me eventually- as everything in my life has. and above and beyond anything i could currently fathom. thats the way my life has always gone- getting somewhere and living right now with pure intent and diligence. i know this will happen in my personal life- if not now, eventually. and right now i can enjoy my life and be satisfied in the knowledge that everything i have imagined and wanted before in my career and professional life has come true. i am not holding grudges- this will only serve to alienate me from the people that truely wish to be with me and be my friends. why would i think that i'm not worth it? i am a joy bringer, a joy creator.. and i know that light comes from within- not from without.
current mood: light comes from within
current music: saves the day - through being cool
streaming through my window screaming through my window its sunny on the inside out of here.
current mood: headache
current music: court tv
my heart is on the floor.. why don't you step on it?
current mood: choked
current music: n/a
its undeniably gorgeous outside. shame i have to finish a couple things before i can jump into the outter world.. couldn't sleep last night- not for the lack of trying.. i woke myself every hour on the hour practically.. waiting for something- anything to happen. i woke up achey and now i'm sitting here hunched over trying to keep my sore stomach from letting me know how i really feel. happy november. its come up quickly. pretty soon it'll be christmas, then new years, then my birthday, and then a whole year of nothing. well.. there is cinco de mayo to look forward to. i wish i could go back to sleep, i woke up at 10:30am.. earlier and earlier every day since i have been here in va.. is it because i am thinking too much and was half-sleeping, half-thinking most of the night? my nightmares and dreams have been manifestations of my deepest anxieties lately. and they're really not that heavy of thoughts. just surface shit that i am sure will go away some day. whenever that is. in the meantime, i'll sit here awake until either i can go back to bed when the sun goes down or i'll go outside and sit in the hot water and try and work through the soreness.. you have to help me work out the other stuff.
current mood: yawn
current music: beach boys- don't worry baby
the moon is high in the sky and so am i. didn't spin out of orbit and crash into the earth much like i thought .. .. the moon and/or i. went and saw some punk bands tonight and had some crown and ginger's.. and then sat outside and looked at the moon sitting on top of the sky. and watched it swimming in the bay.
current mood: thinking to myself theres gotta be more to life than this.
current music: sensefield
also: november? already?
